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Author Topic: Should I date a guy with a criminal and chemical dependency record?

May 27, 2019, 06:37:51 PM
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bikergirl83@yahoo.com


I met an amazing guy online, on a dating app, and we had been seeing each other for about a month and a half. We are both in our mid 30's, he a bit younger than me. He was very sweet and giving, a complete gentleman, and our personalities were very similar. We seemed to be the perfect match! After about 3 weeks of seeing each other a few times a week, he asked me to be his girlfriend, which I accepted. After some more time, he started dropping hints that he was falling in love with me but never actually admitted it. I felt like the same though things seemed to be moving fast so I never said anything either and wanted to give it more time. Before our first date he admitted to me that his sobriety was #1 to him, he had DUIs and been caught running from cops drunk on his motorcycle. He went to treatment and has since cleaned up his act. He has a steady job but lives in a bad situation with friends who drink/do drugs that he is trying to get out of but isn’t able to find anywhere affordable that will accept him. He hasn’t gotten his license back yet and is working on that also.

He was upfront with me and said I could ask any questions I had from the beginning about that situation, which I appreciated, and left the option to go on a date open if I didn’t want to at the time.
I just found out yesterday after one of my cousins who is a cop looked him up that he has a lengthy criminal record. Some on there I knew about, DUIs, treatment, drug problems in the past with Meth. There were also charges of domestic violence, stalking, and disobeying orders. These all scared my parents and cousins when they found out, obviously, and they let me know. They said I needed to break up with him that he was bad news, and that the cop was told by one his cop friends who personally know the guy I’m dating said to “run away” from him. He also found out he had threatened to kill cops from the guy.
I broke things off with him yesterday afterward and let him pick up his stuff outside when I wasn’t there.
After calling him and telling him things were over he was upset but took it well otherwise. He didn’t yell or throw a fit. He hung up on me at the end and texted saying the worst thing to do to someone working on bettering himself is throw his past in his face. He texted me later saying he'll miss me, he loved me, and he is sorry.

I questioned the domestic abuse and he admitted the girl he dated for 9 years ended things after cheating on him and he was depressed, turned to drugs/alcohol. He said he never hit anyone, ever (and said prior that he would never hurt me) but he texted her constantly and that was how he got those charges. He also had many failed suicide attempts but served time, went to counseling, psychiatrist, etc. He said he knew the things I found out on paper were scary but not him anymore. That he wanted a chance to prove to me that it was in the past and he is a different person. The records came up from only a couple years ago or more, so somewhat recent, but he admitted he had been sober for 8 months. Should I continue to see him? Should I date him or maybe at least be friends until more time has passed? My parents are concerned and against it but said they would support my decision. It will be tough if they are not onboard but am hoping if they get to know him and have a chance to talk to him things will get better. He has done nothing wrong in our relationship yet and I can't help but feel like it's unfair to him. He is being honest and really has changed or wants to continue to better himself. People deserve second chances or a chance to change don't they? He said he wouldn't show up uninvited and would leave me alone if I told him too, but he really wants to try to make it work and said ask any questions I have.

I am just not sure right now what decision to make right now and need some help! I have not responded to any of his last few texts. Please help...

May 29, 2019, 08:44:56 PM
Reply #1
Offline

MonaM


His problems are his problems.  Let him solve them on his own.  Stay away from this guy. 

 

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