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Author Topic: Should I break up with my BF over this depression issue?

May 12, 2019, 01:56:58 PM
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So, my boyfriend and I have been together almost a year, and he's my first boyfriend. I absolutely love being around him and his family in person. When we go out, I feel like the luckiest girl around. But when we talk online, I feel more like a therapist than a girlfriend. He won't take my advice and seek help, since he has already tried and failed multiple times. But not he won't even take his last finals to graduate school even though it's less than a month away. I don't think that I could handle him being 100% dependent on me even if I got the job I want. I've tried to talk him out of it...but he won't budge. It hurts that I might have to break up with him because I love him and he's a great person, but he doesn't have any interest in helping himself. If I were to lose my job, he'd be fine with being in poverty or homeless. This isn't the first time he's made me cry over a virtual conversation, but I know I can also be pretty emotional.

It's so draining to be with him online, but I'm not sure if it's reason enough to leave him. Maybe I'm being selfish in saying I'd be embarrassed to have a guy who dropped out 3 weeks before graduation. Maybe I'm not being supportive enough...but I don't know what I should do. I feel so torn apart. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

May 12, 2019, 03:13:07 PM
Reply #1


This is something I can relate a lot to, and I'm sorry that I don't have any ready answers, but... you're his girlfriend, and although of course you can and should want to help your partner, there are limits to what you can do, and limits to how much responsibility you can shoulder for him without it taking a toll on the rest of your relationship.

I felt similarly towards a person in my life, and ended up having to tell them something along the lines of "I love to be there for you and help you with the things I can, but sometimes I feel like I'm a landfill for you to dump your problems and that's all there is - and I don't want our relationship to be that way."

It's really difficult, but also very important. You should not have to fear him being dependent on you, or feeling like he won't help himself. Try, in some way, to communicate to him you feel and what you need from him to make your relationship continue to work. Do tell him some of the good parts too, like how you feel like the luckiest girl in the world when you're out, but tell him that you need to work together to get some of the other parts to work better. If he's not up to trying to make the relationship work, then maybe you can't stay together.

Good luck!

May 14, 2019, 03:02:48 PM
Reply #2


I almost fell into depression. So I cannot totally understand from where you’re coming from , but what I can say is that being with someone helped me get out of it right away. Ask long as your partner is there and loves you for who you are flaws included , look at things from his perspective.
You’ll just fall deeper into your dark days


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