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Author Topic: Possibly Leaving Husband, Feelings for Friends with Benefits- What do I do?

January 31, 2019, 06:43:43 PM
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needing.advice


Hello,

Here is the scenario:

I have been having sex with a friends with benefits. I've caught feelings for him, but he's made it clear he isn't interested in a relationship.

In the meantime, I've started ending this with my husband and we've been living apart for a short amount of time. There are a few reasons I've thought about leaving him. I'm not attracted to him anymore and I don't enjoy my time with him much of the time.

Now, here's where it gets hairy and I don't know what to do. I have many loving memories of my husband that point to him being "the one". He loves me unconditionally, he's patient, he's selfless, and he wants to work things out. When I think of our relationship in the past I get that butterfly feeling because I know we had an unconditional love that was strong at one time.

Am I only wanting to end things because of this friends with benefits relationship? Should I try to stick it out with my husband? Am I giving up on "the one"?

With whatever answer you provide, please give me advice on how you suggest I should go about things. I'm so wrapped up in my head and I don't know what steps to take next.

February 06, 2019, 02:56:06 AM
Reply #1
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Broken4now


I urge you to remember the time when you believed your husband was "the one"!  I have been divorced for over 10 years and believe me....dating is hard and seems to have gotten harder with every passing year.  You give your heart away just to have it go wrong.

A woman waits for the time when a man loves her and treats her like a Princess but sometimes the day to day routine can let you forget.  I will say I'm happier now than when I was married but it's down right hard!  We argued too much.  But please, reconsider and don't leave because of someone else.

Step back and really look at your feelings for your husband.  Sorry, I can't be of more help...just my thoughts.  God bless you!

February 07, 2019, 02:40:48 AM
Reply #2
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winstonjack


First off, you are still attracted to your husband. Maybe in a different way, but there is an attraction. Secondly, being with someone day in and day out and dealing with life's responsibilities together is nothing like having a fling with someone, no matter how attracted you feel towards that person. The question you may want to ask yourself, if I was living with my fling day in and day out and we dealt with the responsibilities of life together, would I see him (attraction) in the same way? Personally, I think you'd be silly to throw away what you have for the uncertainty of what you don't have. Who knows, maybe because you are married along with the whole forbidden fruit scenario is why he is attracted to you -- but once you are free (not married) he may not feel the same. Hell of a risk to take when you know what you have v.s. what you don't have. Work on your marriage. Tell your husband "hey, want to go make out at a hotel" and maybe a little spice will attract the same attraction towards your husband that you have with your friend.

February 10, 2019, 04:49:36 PM
Reply #3
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Atopthelimetree


     So how long have you and the FWB been seeing each other? Also do you and your husband still talk?

     I would suggest laying off the benefits with this friend for a while. Take this time apart from your husband and approach it as if you were dating all over again. See if you can not recreate, but rediscover what drew you together in the first place. Life can be complicated and take a toll on a relationship.

     Also take this time and make sure to work on yourself. Make sure you're happy with yourself. A lot of times when that flame fades, there's reasons on both sides. We've often failed to notice them or communicate that with one another.

     Lastly, just be open and honest. With yourself and your husband. For me personally, the intimacy found in complete openness with one another is very rewarding. Maybe it's not something you want to hear, but it helps you understand or another. I'd rather know the whole you, blemishes and all, than know some beautiful facade while you keep parts of you to yourself.

     I could really go on and on about such a topic. Feel free to message me.

February 11, 2019, 07:22:51 PM
Reply #4
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needing.advice


Thank you all for your advice. Everything you said is true and clicks.

Leaving the FWB is harder said than done, and I'll keep you all updated with any further questions.

March 17, 2019, 11:49:10 PM
Reply #5
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Eva


I think you could be making a mistake. I get that u been in this relationship for a while and things may have died down abit but you can always spice up relationships. Talk things true. Think about it. U want to leave him for a man who doesn't want to be with you only to have sex. That's crazy.

 

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