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Author Topic: Poly but confused

March 31, 2019, 02:13:29 AM
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Polybabe


So I am in a polyamorous relationship with my boyfriend and his other girlfriend. I am happy with the arrangement but there are things that concern and confuse me.
The way I understand is that everything is about trust and communication right? Well recently I've noticed my boyfriend talking to other women and sexting and exchanging nudes and vids with these women. And I only know about them because I happened across them while trying to find a contact in his phone.
I confronted him and asked why he didn't tell me or our gf about them and he said it was fine and that I was just being insecure and jealous, that it was just talk and nothing was set in stone or plans weren't made.
But there was talk about them getting married and having kids and them moving in with us which most certainly should have been brought to mine and our gfs attention immedietely. Isn't polyamory about love and trust and communication in all things?
Why wouldn't he just tell us instead of seeming to hide it from us and make these plans with other women that for one, was promised to me because our gf has no interest in marriage or kids but my bf said he would marry me. What should I do? What should I say to him to get him to understand that what he is doing doesn't feel right.

March 31, 2019, 10:58:41 PM
Reply #1
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thecloud


Maybe sitting down to a casual activity the three of you enjoy and asking him why he doesn't trust you two ladies enough to share his current happenings. Try to maintain a cheery disposition so that he doesn't feel attacked. (This might be difficult because your self may be hurting but it will show him that it is safe to communicate.)

April 01, 2019, 07:49:28 PM
Reply #2
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pdhcast


It seems like you need to have a genuiene and defining conversation about what boundaries, communication and honesty mean to each of you. It wasn't right for him to accuse you of being jealous or make judgement calls about your emotions. If you felt uncomfortable or if you felt betrayed on any level your partner should be able to have an open, caring and honest conversation with you.

 

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