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Author Topic: Please help!

November 03, 2019, 04:53:46 PM
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Jamal S

Hi everyone,

First time writing here. 

My wife and I have been married for 8 year this November and together for 12.  We have had our ups and downs, but lately it seems more downs.
She is currently away for Law School, finishing her last year.  We are across the country you could say.  Financially it has been tough but we have managed it.  She helps with the mortgage a bit, but we have to careful with spending.  I have fully supported her, but occasionally she says "I am mad because you are not here" or "you don't support me".
I laugh it off and try to make her feel better but it bothers me deep down inside.
Just recently she was away for her friends bachelor party.  To me that is totally okay, I don't even care if they go to strip clubs and get lap dances which I don't think she got one but I am fine with that.
One of the nights, I texted her as usual saying "I am going to bed, hope your having fun.  Love you".
She called me drunk an hour later and way saying "wake the fuck up", I told her I am sleeping but in front of her friends kept on saying that.  I was away for work, and she said "its not like you have anything to do, you just need to catch a flight home, you don't need to take care of the dog, or do groceries."  I explained to her that I need to be up early to check on some work sites then catch a flight home.
We hung up, then she face timed me saying.  I told her I am still sleeping, and then she was showing me all her friends and such.  She said "your lucky that I am even calling you."  One of her friends said, "Ya you could have been with the British guy", and she said " ya, I could be out fucking someone".  that really pissed me off and I said good night and hung up. She called me bacl and I could hear her say hes mad.  She then said do you want to pass a message on to anyone here, I said no, say what ever you want.  We hung up.  She was also saying "wake up asshole" earlier.
Now don't get me wrong I am not perfect, there have been a few times where I have had too many and yelled at her, and she has had to deal with me, and to this day I always say sorry to her for that, and I was in the wrong. 
I don't care that she called me drunk and was saying that shit, but what bothered me was when he friend said she could be with the British guy, and when she said she could be out fucking someone.

I called her in the morning and she did not pick up.  So I texted her before my flight and said I am boarding the plane, and hope she gets home safe.  She messaged me saying she doesn't want to talk to me.  I told her I am not mad because she was drunk, nor for her calling me.  She said I have dealt with you drunk and don't make me list stuff.  I told her I was mad for the fucking comment, that's it.  She said OMG it was a fucking joke, fuck off, talk to you next week, don't message me".  I told her "weather it was a joke or not, that why I am mad.", and the fact she said it around her friends got me more mad.
She has not messaged me back or anything.

Now as I said I am not perfect, but that is ONE thing I would never say to her.  If I had said that to her, she would have been all over me and made my life hell.
She always puts me down, and the fact that shes in Law School, I think has made it worst.  I have a good career, and good job, and am doing my best, but we fight and argue about little things all the time now, some maybe my fault, but there is no understanding on her end.  She always believes she is the right and everyone else is wrong.

Just wanted some advice, if I am in the wrong, or how to move on and deal with this.

Sorry for making this so long.



November 04, 2019, 04:07:27 PM
Reply #1


Friend, I know this story well. Has happened to two close friends of mine over the last decade. She doesn’t appreciate you. She might well love you, but one can love somebody and take them granted. She also has bad friends, and if shes runnin with them then no good will come of it. You need to ask her if she’s happy - face to face. Don’t be mad, and don’t ask her about cheating, etc. Ask her if she’s happy. You might ask her to attend  marriage counseling with you depending on her answer. Could be the law school and her bad friends, but if that wears down such a long relationship then there must be underlying issues.