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Author Topic: Not getting support from boyfriend

August 01, 2019, 04:22:08 AM
Read 1290 times


I brutally found out yesterday that a former middle school classmate of mine committed suicide. We weren’t very close friends but he had always been nice to me, and I used to occasionally hang out with him, also during high school. He was only 20 years old when he died a few months after I last saw him, obviously I’m really shocked and upset by the news. I’m also doubly hurt because he died months ago and no one found it useful to inform me. Had I known, I would definitely have gone to the funeral.

Anyway, I wrote to my boyfriend yesterday afternoon about this and told him how shaken I was, he saw the messages but hasn’t replied at all. It’s not the first time he sees an important message and doesn’t answer (even a day later). When this happens he usually just acts as if the message didn’t exist and resumes a normal, « light » conversation when he has time. I know he is really busy preparing university exams at the moment, but it wouldn’t take long to send a few comforting words. I was hoping for some support with this news and didn’t get it from him at all. Does this mean he doesn’t care? I don’t want to sound like I’m desperate and begging for attention, but this lack of compassion was hurtful to me. Should I make a remark?

August 01, 2019, 04:41:37 AM
Reply #1


You should let him know that you are hurt and he not available when you need him. He needs to know that! A 5 min chat would not disturb his studies.

August 18, 2019, 02:17:08 PM
Reply #2


Empathy in a relationship is very important. You should not feel neglected by your boyfriend. Speak up about how you feel, and if he doesnt respond well,  try and explain your side to him.

August 21, 2019, 10:22:28 AM
Reply #3


Relationships are needed so that you can be comforted and supported. I can’t imagine how I would have lived if my boyfriend had not comforted me.
Just tell him how it matters to you, without conflict or scandal.
If he loves you, he will understand and correct this situation.
Maybe he just does not know how to comfort people.
My father also never knew how to comfort me, but he began to get angry if I was upset about something (he is not a bad person).
There are people who do not know how to comfort others, therefore they ignore such situations. Just talk to him.

October 10, 2019, 03:05:48 AM
Reply #4


Hi, this has happened to me several times but when I mentioned it he says that he was doing some work or he didn't see it. He always apologize and tell me that he's not going to do that again but he does it again anyway. Now I don't think of that anymore and I've let him to be like that. It's always important to let him know how you feel. Surely you don't want to be felt neglected. I believe if he really loves you he'll understand this types of issues and will do what ever it takes to make you happy.

October 15, 2019, 02:25:07 AM
Reply #5


I'm in a similar situation, been struggling with alot lately and girlfriend refuses to talk about it, mostly just ignores me until it passes so we can return to light, happy thoughts.

I honestly don't know what to do about it. My answer to most things has always been to be honest and talk about it, so I'm definitely shook when I'm denied even talking about it.

With that said, if you can, tell your boyfriend how you felt when he didn't respond. Maybe he didn't realize just how affected you were, and maybe that'll give him a chance to act differently in the future.

October 16, 2019, 02:49:19 PM
Reply #6


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October 20, 2019, 09:14:44 AM
Reply #7


I have found this in a few guys - if they feel they are presented with a problem they can't solve it's like a dip in their masculinity. Guys like to either be positive or to help get things solved. Rarely are they good at digging deep into emotions in the same way women are.

Having said that, he is clearly not fulfilling an emotional need that you have, and it depends how important that is to you. You can try bringing it up with him as others have suggested (this should always be the first point of call - never expect someone to mindread), but people don't tend to change all that much, so bear that in mind. It is surprising that someone would 'forget' or choose not to reply to their girlfriend's message. A girlfriend is supposed to be on the way to 'partner in life' - is that kind of behaviour you would want from your partner in life?

There are plenty of guys who will treat you with love and care and understand when you need support - there's a sensitivity that some men just don't have, so maybe you could consider finding another. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I personally find emotional connection and support to be the cornerstone of any good relationship.


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