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Author Topic: Need help/advice/thoughts on a very complicated relationship.

January 09, 2020, 08:48:09 PM
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KateOcean


Where to start. I met my BF doing a research project in Peru in summer of 2018. I already had a partner, I broke up with him immediately. After leaving Peru, my (new) BF and I decided to continue a long distance relationship. He is originally from Europe. We would visit each other for 2 months with breaks of not seeing each other for 2 months (the distance and the 7 time zones were so hard on me!). I am now in South America, I changed my entire life to be able to be here for 7 months. He has clearly told me he will never go back to Europe. Ok - we are now living near the beach and it is beautiful. He lives 6 months here on the beach and the other 6 in the Amazon. Problem is, I am starting to resent him.. I am losing myself here.. I have no friends, nowhere to go. I love nature, (I lived in big cities most of my life) but I feel so closed here. I am becoming increasingly paranoid, I don't even know why.. I feel like I can't trust him. I am working on myself, blaming myself endlessly for not being "better" for not appreciating more the beautiful surroundings around myself. I love him so much, but I don't know how to exactly find myself here. I am not exactly the yoga, beach bum type - I appreciate these things, but.. I am becoming paranoid that he dreams of finding some local girl who would not give him half the trouble with all my doubts that I do. He works here, and is busy often and I feel quite alone in those moments. I try to go for walks... But I am not sure I fit in here. We are fighting more and more. Very aggressively sometimes, and I am ashamed to say that the aggression comes from me :( I don't know what is happening to me here. This is really some cry for help. I have never written about my issues online but I need to hear what others have to say, I need some perspective. In good moments, we are very loving and conscious. But in May I must return to Europe and I don't know how to possibly manage this distance again. And what after that? I feel confused as to what I want from life at this point.. I feel scattered. It has been intense in South America, moving a lot - and I love to have my own home, my own space. I am afraid that if I end this relationship I would have given up on a great opportunity to live in beautiful places, but at the same time - it is such an extreme choice... Please, any thoughts from anyone.. I would be so grateful.. Thank you

January 11, 2020, 05:36:37 PM
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Tony


Interesting question and I don’t think there is an easy answer.

On one end it sounds like the resentment that is coming is a result of isolation and boredom so he becomes the focus of your life. Do you work? If not get a job to at least keep your mind occupied. If you do you can try and find some interests outside to make friends etc and extend you outside of your comfort zone.

 a relationship is Also more than a beautiful place to live. People also go their own separate directions as well at times so don’t feel bad if you pull the plug on this and return to Europe.

One thing I’ve learned is that as much as you think you are in love with someone it isn’t always going to work out and there are so many more options out there.

 

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