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Author Topic: My husband used to secretly record us while we were dating

December 26, 2019, 05:51:59 PM
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My husband [31 M] and I [30 F] have been married for about 6.5 years now. About 4.5 years ago I accidentally came across some videos on his laptop of us being intimate while we were dating. I was extremely shocked and felt violated and betrayed that he never confessed to doing such a thing. Looking at the dates on the videos, I remember a few weeks or months prior to his secret videos he had asked if he could record us and I denied multiple times. One day I gave in and let him record us but soon after I felt gross and told him it didn't feel right and I wouldn't ever wanna be recorded. So turns out he decided to secretly tape us anyway. 

When I confronted him about the videos he was extremely sorry and deleted everything right away and said he didn't want to tell me because he knew it would upset me.

Years have gone by but this incident still haunts me and I cannot help but cry everytime I talk to him about it. He has betrayed my trust and I feel extremely disrespected. He is a good man in so many other ways but I don't know if I see him and respect him the same way I used to. I feel like our marriage was not built on honesty and I feel robbed of the decision of still wanting to marry him or not, knowing what he had done.

Everyone around us adores him and thinks so highly of him and I want to protect his image and have not been able to share this burden with anyone. I am torn between just sucking it up and moving on from the past, and trying to move on from this hurt and finding a relationship that is built on trust and honesty from the start. 

There have also been a few instances over the past years where I would start dozing off on the couch or the bed and he would try to sneak a peak at my body or start touching me sexually. We definitely do not have problems with sex in our marriage and we have argued and discussed these matters where I have questioned if there is anything lacking and he says no everytime and then promises never to do it again. Only to do it again... I have forgiven him over and over but I am starting to realize that I am just not able to see him the same way or receive his love openly. I don't feel like the "lucky girl" I used to feel in the past. I still love him and care about him but I don't see or feel that deep connection built on trust and transparency that I desire with my husband.

January 17, 2020, 01:04:46 PM
Reply #1


This is quite awkard. I mean in all honesty rhe secret filming thing could be quite innocent. I have cameras around the house for security purposes but it is strange that hes recorded it and stored it. He might also be paranoid your cheating on him and so has set the cameras up to catch you out?

As for the touching you whilst youve dosed off, thats not really on as you havent consented to it. Ill be honest you may need to be prepared as he migjt have a sexual fantasy that others may find quite shocking. Both behaviours suggest active controlling sexual behaviour, ie you being filmed without knowing and him touching you whilst your asleep. Im curious has he ever suggested asphxiation or choking during sex?


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