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Author Topic: My FWB is married. Help!

February 12, 2020, 11:53:14 PM
Read 1418 times


Okay, I believe it is totally fine that two consenting adults have a friends with benefits situation, if they so choose. I met this guy online and we have been seeing each other about once a week for about a month now. This guy is great, like checks all the boxes of things I like in a guy; nice smile, great sex, gentle yet strong, he works hard, we both enjoy the gym, we listen to the same music!! We just vibe really really well, and that in itself has been hard to find. So of course, I actually like this guy now. I don't want to be in a relationship now, but I feel we could really have something great but no expectations, no rush. I told him how I was feeling and he made it clear, as it was clear from the beginning, we were just fuck buddies who have happened to really connect & enjoy & appreciate who each other are. I mean, I knew this coming in.
Well, today he disclosed to me that he is actually MARRIED AND EXPECTING. My gut told me well duh, he is a catch and so am I, so why would he be hesitant to be exclusive with me. Well, that's why, he's married. As a 26 y.o., mother who had been hurt by her cheating boyfriend for years, I sat and explained to him how I felt.. That what he is doing behind her back isn't right, he should just leave if he's unhappy, we talked about the possibilities of child custody and how come he couldn't just honor the commitment he made the her and God and his children didn't ask to come into this world without a happy family. I told him even if that means today was the last we saw of each other that that would be fine if that meant, he honored his commitment to her and his children had their dad full-time.
I'm torn between standing firm behind my heart letting him go so he may do the right thing or taking care of myself and enjoying him . Should I further discuss options of him getting out of the marriage and options for child custody arrangements.. I want children to have happy homes.. but also, life doesn't always work that way, as it did for me. And I'm fine, my daughter and I and her dad are making it co-parenting and we have a caring relationship as parents and ppl who once loved each other deeply but made mistakes that we couldn't look past.
At the end of all this, I need help..  my brain is like HE IS MARRIED W/ KIDS & my heart is like, we have such a good thing, we communicate, we enjoy each other but will it even last ? Sigh... Please help.

February 15, 2020, 03:42:05 PM
Reply #1


Your answer seems pretty simple. He is married. That's it. Get out. First, for the sake of his wife, his child to come and for him. It's just wrong.

The chemistry you feel is based on lust and lies. Any future you have with someone shouldn't start with deceit. If he cheated on his wife, he's going to cheat on you. His attraction to you is based on what he thinks he can't have. Once he has it, he's going to lose that attraction. I've seen it many times.

Secondly, starting a relationship completely backwards...beginning with sex and building off of it, is also a recipe for disaster. There is a reason relationships start small and build up to that point. That's the healthy way to build something. Yes, you may have feelings for him, but you should if your intimate together. But that intimacy should be secondary to having a solid foundation first.

Trust me. Let it go. Honor what marriage is. Don't break up someone else's marriage.

February 16, 2020, 06:45:52 AM
Reply #2


leave it alone, you cant win in this situation no matter what you do. 


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