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Author Topic: My current relationship started as an affair. Can I make it work?

April 16, 2019, 04:42:37 PM
Read 1951 times


So... For the sticky bits.

Recently, I renounced my faith and "came out" (for want of better phrasing) as atheist. Naturally, my super religious then-wife didn't take too kindly to this. I was rejected by her, her family, and my own. My business partner and I - who have been friends for many years- started talking more frequently, and she was an amazing pillar of support in this time of transition. But, she was also married.

We developed an emotional bond, which evolved into an affair, and eventually both ended up leaving our spouses. We are now fully committed,  living together and engaged (yay!!).


There are tons of insecurities that (I believe) have their roots in the fact that we started off with an affair. We are both extremely jealous (neither of us used to be). We check up on each other ALL DAMN DAY, every day. Trust is a major problem, we both frequently check one another's latest online activity, track each other's locations, etc.

I know you're going to tell me the dynamic is unhealthy. I know! I need help to overcome these issues. It has been over a year now, and I still love her as madly as I did when our relationship started. I plan on spending the rest of my life with her (and our two kids). I really don't need the "once a cheat, always a cheat" lecture, as we have both been lashed quite enough by it.

I am desperate for help to get us from this pit of bitter poison, to a place of trust and security.

Thanks in advance.

April 27, 2019, 02:21:40 AM
Reply #1

Hopeless Romantic 215

You obviously love each other. Talk things out and maybe try couples counseling.

July 11, 2019, 09:48:37 PM
Reply #2


Your story reinforces my belief that it is very difficult for men and women to maintain platonic relationships.  That's especially true when they have known each other for a long time.  Over time, nature has a way of taking its course.  Sex is the most natural thing that can happen between a man and a woman, as far as I'm concerned...

July 23, 2019, 12:19:52 PM
Reply #3


I had an affair for over 30 years with a married lady and I am also married

Because of children and financial reasons  we never wanted to divorce  or get married to each other as why ruin an amazing relationship

Last year her husband retired  and they moved out of state so  I guess all great things come to an end 

How did you get caught  unless you were extremely careless or were foolish enough to confess

July 24, 2019, 08:00:30 AM
Reply #4


Maybe try couples counseling? I feel that it could possibly work out, you never know.

July 25, 2019, 02:21:36 PM
Reply #5


I hope the two of you have worked out any issues that needed to be faced. Counseling can be helpful. 

July 28, 2019, 12:56:15 PM
Reply #6


Lol I did this. She was married and we were fwb. Just take it slowly and see where it goes

July 30, 2019, 04:14:52 PM
Reply #7


You and this your fiancé are obviously in love and both care deeply about each other, you have issues which all couples do, and said issues are even common among many young couples. If you are really worried about the jealousy try both talking to a confidante and then that person can help you both, or even better couples counseling. Jealousy is a natural thing for certain personalities.
So unless if it isn’t possible to talk things out, talk to someone you both trust


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