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Author Topic: my boyfriend is using me for sex and I want to stop. What should I do?

December 28, 2018, 01:19:58 AM
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melissajay


Hi there,

I met my boyfriend (bf) around August and I wanted to make sure that he was the right one so we texted each other for a month until we decided to meet up. He was very awkward but in a cute way at first, but after that he was totally fine. He asked me to be his girlfriend on the first date which apparently was a red flag to my friends. I listened to my friends and told him to go on a second date and then we would decided at that time. So we did go on the second date. But before the second date he specifically told me that he was not going to kiss anyone and he hope that was okay with me. I was totally fine with it and since it would be my first kiss I'd rather him not pressuring me into kissing. So we met up at his house and things started going downhill from that point. He asked if he could kiss me. I was surprised but didn't know what to do so I said I don't know I guess so. And we kissed but what I didn't know was that the kiss was so intense that it led to us having sex. Yeah yay me, first boyfriend to first kiss to first time having sex. He was being so gentle about it. He didn't pressure me but things just went so fast that I couldn't stop. I just went along without even realizing why I did what I did. That was our second date

Third date, we hung out at his place again. I was on my period and I told him that I was not in a happy mood. But he then started to kiss me and dry humped me. I asked him to stop but he begged me to have sex with him. He said it would be okay to have sex even though I was on my period. I didn't bind to it this time, I was not in the mood so I told him no. He stopped touching me. We went back to watching Netflix. And he gave me a ride home. But the thing was he stopped talking me as soon as he stopped touching me. He completely gave me a silence treatment as if I was doing something wrong. I didn't realize that was a red flag.

For the first two months of the relationship I was the only who tried to know him better. Every single time I asked him something he only replied okay or cool. He didn't seem to be so interested in talking to me or try to build the relationship. I get it that we were both busy since we are seniors but if I can manage my time to text him over the weekend just to check on him then I think he can do the same thing.

From the first to now, the first date was the only date that we went to eat and to the movie theater. After that, we have only been hanging out either at his house or my house. AND we always end up having sex. I was tired of this relationship so I called it off over thanksgiving break. He said fine BUT a week later he texted me and asked me to come back. He said that he promised to take me out and go on dates like other couples. For some stupid reasons, I allowed myself to get back with him in secret without nobody knows anything about it. And things repeat. We hang out at his house or my house and we have sex. Even if I complaint about it, he would deny it and promise to be take me out. But he never did.

I feel like he is using me for sex and I don't know why I can't stop it. I try to stop it by breaking up with hum but it didn't work because of my stupid self. What should I do? Please help!!

December 28, 2018, 04:20:45 AM
Reply #1
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alymae


I have been in this type of relationship before. We would just hang out at his house and have s**. He was my first. Just like you, I was really surprised how fast things went. We were together for almost a year before I decided to leave him. At the time of our relationship, I feel used. It feels like a booty call and nothing more. I felt terrible because I love him. He tells me he loves me but actions speak louder than words. He helped me in a lot of things but it feels like he doesn't love me as I love him. I cried a lot of times, it was pathetic. I can't imagine life without him at that time. But I have to face it because I know that what is happening is wrong. I deserved to be treated well and respected as a woman. I deserved to be loved and I deserved to be treasured. He tried coming back but I stopped him because I know that the cycle will repeat itself. I have to respect and love myself and the only way to do that is to leave him.

You have to be strong. Prioritize yourself and believe that you deserved to be loved and treasured. You are not to be used, you are to be respected. This type of relationship destroys our sense of self. Love yourself, remember that.

December 28, 2018, 09:46:41 PM
Reply #2
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melissajay


Thank you so much for your advice. Just reading your words really help me at the moment.:)

December 29, 2018, 02:40:20 PM
Reply #3
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alymae


I can relate to you since I've been through the same situation. It is hard, I know. But even if it is hard, we should treasure and love ourselves more. Letting our boyfriends or husbands abused us in different ways destroys our sense of self. I have gone to a point where I forgot myself and my life revolved around him. Just know and believe that you deserve love. You deserved to be courted and to be brought on dates. You deserve respect. You deserve the best.  ;)

December 29, 2018, 05:11:17 PM
Reply #4
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silverwords


I personally think what's going on with you and him is wrong in so many levels. I have to tell you this. When we are in a toxic relationship with someone, either with a friend or with someone we love, we never realize how toxic the things are going on until we cut ties with them. We already have an idea that something is wrong but we are quick to disregard because we secretly want things to continue. You miss him and you crave for his presence sometimes when he's not around because you already become used to him and you're already consumed by your feelings.

What's best to do is cut ties with him already. I think closure is not necessary anymore but it's up to you. Keep your self busy and find new hobbies to distract yourself. I hope these help!

January 10, 2019, 12:15:16 PM
Reply #5
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C AMOD


 :( I want to say that I really feel for on this matter.

I feel that you are right and it will be best to end things permanently.

Relationships is not meant just to have sex.

There is a whole lot more to being in a relationship and this guy doesn't get the concept of relationship in a whole.

Please stop wasting your time with this dude, and please do not go back to him again, no matter how he promises to change.

because they never change, it is only temporary until you back in the cycle again.

January 17, 2019, 05:19:06 AM
Reply #6
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Greyg88


I think you should start ignoring his messages and try to avoid to get his company.

April 08, 2019, 12:32:11 AM
Reply #7
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Ben from Spain


Hi Melissa, easy!! just finding the right strength into yourself and telling him goodbye!
It works
;)

 

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