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Author Topic: Messed up: Am I wrong or is he a player?

February 15, 2020, 04:31:19 PM
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Met a guy about a year and half ago. We connected immediately, became good friends. He confessed to being in love with me and revealed that he was married and has a child. I rebuked his feelings and asked him to stop contacting me. Post that, we both lost someone close to us and we reached out to each other and continued being friends. A few months later, he confessed again that he was still in love with me but this time I had also fallen for him so I couldn't rebuke him. A couple of months passed by and it was all going good. I was quite clear on the part that I didn't want to ruin his marriage or mess up his family life and he was of the same opinion. He always told me that he was in love with both of us. Though I never understood it, I accepted that it could be the case. By mid of May, his behavior had started changing. He was not contacting as much as before and he wasn't meeting me as much as well. I got a work opportunity to move to a different city for six months. Before leaving, I asked him to be in contact with me everyday and he agreed. But, he didn't do as he promised. From talking everyday, he started contacting me less and less. I was lonely there and I told him that I needed his support and time, which he didn't give me. He kept on asking for chances and never worked on it. As my days to come back were nearer, he was sending me messages or calling me like once in 15 days always citing reasons that he was busy. I came back in December and he didn't bother to meet me or call me after knowing that I was back. On the first day of this year, he agreed to talk to me after my several attempts to contact him. Even during that phone conversation, he said that he loved me and that he had problems and was busy. I asked him to do the same thing that I had told him over the past months, that is, to just stay in contact and not go away all of a sudden. He asked for a month's time. I gave him that time. But, even during that time, he didn't contact me. I was the only one contacting him. At the start of this month, I checked with him again to know whether he wanted to continue or break off. He gave a vague answer that he wants to continue but with the almost no contact condition. This month has also gone by almost the same way. At the start of this week, I tried calling him and I couldn't reach him, almost like he had blocked me. I sent several messages to him and he didn't reply even on a single one. I called him from another number in the evening and he picked up that call (he didn't have that number). It seemed like he was not able to hear me due to some network issue. But the strange part was that number also showed indication of being blocked after my first two calls. That same morning, I had noticed that he had, maybe, blocked me on whatsapp as well. I sent him many messages throughout the day. No reply on any of them. I got very angry and pissed off. I am quite sensitive and an overthinker. So, my head started spinning and in my anger, I sent a private message full of hatred on his Facebook account as that was the only place where I could contact him then. Maybe I crossed my line with that message. A few days later, I noticed that his Facebook account was also not there. I thought he had blocked me there as well. I stopped contacting him completely after that. However, all this took a big toll on me. Eventually, I couldn't hold myself and I messaged him with screenshots of my messages that he hadn't responded to when I saw him online on whatsapp on the other number (that's how I came to know that he had blocked my primary number on whatsapp). He replied to this attempt and said that his phone got damaged and he just got it back. He was very angry because of my hate message on Facebook. I told him that I was very angry and was not thinking rationally. Yet, he continued being distant with me. I told him that I still loved him and I have become depressed because of his aloofness. I apologized for that message several times. He didn't seem very keen to agree. So now, tonight, he said that he only wants friendship from me. Now the problem is I have grown dependent on him emotionally and I am unable to let go of my feelings of love just like that. I am hurting very badly and my Facebook message was a result of that hurt, frustration, and depression. I want him in my life the way he was before but I also don't want to be the person to stop him if he wants to go back to his wife. Also, his behavior since the last 10 months has broken me completely from inside. This has also made me doubt whether he is just keeping me hanging to use as an option. I am very lost and confused about the whole thing.
How should I deal with all this? How can I be whole again?

P.S.: I never asked him to leave his wife. I am not a home breaker. My aim was always to keep this secret so that she doesn't get hurt and convert it to friendship as soon as we can.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2020, 05:16:16 PM by burnt#out »


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