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Author Topic: Long term relationship issues..

August 18, 2019, 07:39:31 PM
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ben56


Hello! I hope you are doing well!
My situation is as follows;
I am 22 years old and in a relationship with my girlfriend for the last 3 years. We started dating in high-school, and are still going at it.
I guess its my inexperience with relationships, but it has been hard time lately. See, my girlfriend has some mental health issues, and of course I try and lift her up and make it easier for her to get better. Her problems are depression, anxiety and low OCD. We went to psychiatrist, and she started getting better and lately got enough courage to see a therapist, or at least try.
Thing is, since starting all that, i can see her getting better, but our intimate life has crashed.  In the first year or year and a half, it was good, and I felt her "there" during our intimate time. She has a low libido, and mine is above average but in the beginning we found each other in the middle. So all was good. Since starting her medicine, and birth control pills, her libido is more or less non existent. The times when we do it, it feels like she is forcing it and I cant really feel her into it.
Now, I know that it is a MAJOR task to feel aroused when dealing with her kind of problems, but I just feel neglected. Might seem selfish, but I miss  seeing her truly tuned on like before, and actually feeling wanted sexually.
I explained her how I feel, even though i feel selfish about it. And she understands, but from her view its difficult to get turned on, and be in sync with her self. So I just backed down, and right now i am giving her space without pushing her.
But than lately, I feel she is putting less and less effort in her self. Before she used to, sometimes put a little make up, and "dress up" a little. But last half year, she has just become messy and i feel like I am a caregiver rather than boyfriend. I don't feel like she wants to put in effort to please me, and it might sounds selfish, but I really try for her. Dressing up, keeping stuff clean, eating healthy, going to gym. It would mean a lot if she could spare a little effort doing something passionate for me once in a while. In the end I know she has her own struggles, and i am doing my best to help her, and not being pushy. But  I feel like my needs are pushed to side. So my question is, how do I proceed, knowing that the issues are coming from her own mental health problems.  I really just want a healthy passionate relationship, where we can spoil each other and try new things..
Regards Benjamin

September 02, 2019, 03:19:07 PM
Reply #1
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PottedPlant


It might be worth looking into new medication. I can't have klonopin (anxiety) or else I will seriously do nothing but sleep for 16 hours. The eight hours I'm awake I'm anxious free, so it does it's job, but that side effect is just too much for me.

The thing with mental health is, while it's extremely hard to deal with, that doesn't give you an excuse to negelect other people and expect them to be okay with it. Try being subtle, like say one day she dresses up really nice, shower her in compliments. You're not bringing up that you feel she's neglecting herself recently, but you're letting her know you appreciate her dressing up and I'm sure it'll be a great boost for her confidence too. You have to be sneaky with things like this so you're not accidentally making the person feel guilty for the things they're not doing, but also enabling them to do the things you miss. If a few months of this doesn't work, then you may need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Don't accuse, be calm, and ask if theres anything you can do to help. If nothing works, and you've done your best to be understanding, then not much can be done.

 

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