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Author Topic: Long distance Japanese crush

May 23, 2019, 10:35:41 PM
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youhavenowon


Hello,

I need an advice about the situation I'm in...
I lived in Japan for a year and came back later last summer for a month !
I have a lot of friends and a (host) family too. I can also talk (almost) fluently in Japanese !

When I came back last summer, I went to a theme park with some of my friends, and I met one of THEIR friends who I already knew but never talked to. (He is a boy btw)
We spent a lovely day and eventually met again a week later all together!

After coming back to France (I'm French), I grew closer to this boy (let's name him Yuki) by online messages.
We chatted everyday about kings and fools, like just everyday life...
We never called because wbk that Japanese men can be a little shy, but i literally know him like we've been friends for years !

After some weeks of talking with him, I realized I actually had a huge crush on him, and that's when I need advice :
I want to tell him that I like him, but first of all we literally live 10.000km from each other and there is no way I can go live there in the next 2 years and same for him + I'll be meeting him this summer again, and I know it's gonna be really awkward if he rejects me.
I really don't want to lose him as a friend, because he is one of the best friends I've ever had, but I'm also hurting myself by keeping this a secret.. so I don't know what to do ?

June 07, 2019, 02:50:19 AM
Reply #1
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Crippling Anxiety


Aww, I'm sorry. Long distance relationships are incredibly difficult, that much I know. Since you've only known each other for a little while, I suggest you take this time to get to know each other even better--just so you have a clearer, better idea of what you want as the next step. If your goal is advancing this relationship, you should both wait until you come to a consensus before making any drastic decisions. If you don't want to leave your family/home and he doesn't want to leave his, then it might be time to admit that this relationship won't work out the way you want it to. That is to say, it's not impossible to handle this kind of relationship, but you will probably need extreme patience until you two can agree on what you want to do without disregarding anyone's feelings. It's going to be hard, but if you truly love this person, I'm sure a lot of people can promise you that things will work their way out. Remember to be practical about your relationship and make sure you value your own feelings just as much as you value his!! If keeping your feelings to yourself is seriously hurting you, I promise it's better to just get it all out. Emotionally prepare yourself for a plethora of different situations--remember, life goes on, and if you get rejected, it's just one fragment of your life. I know it won't seem that way if it happens, but you have to have faith. Maybe drop some hints while texting??

Tips:
1) Absolutely DO NOT try to be "cool". More often than not it just comes off as rude and condescending.
2) If he texts you, don't play hard to get! He might take this as a sign that you don't want to be friends/aren't interested in him.
3) Have your own boundaries. Make sure you are comfortable being your true self and not lying or twisting the truth just to get into his good books! Having an understanding, healthy disagreement on certain things can actually strengthen a relationship.
4) Do NOT think your feelings aren't important. This guy will truly want to be with you and he will definitely be the right one for you if you both understand and accept each other as much as you are both willing.
5)  COMMUNICATION IS CRUCIAL!!!
6) If you guys argue, remember that it's you two vs the problem, not you vs him. Chances are you're both looking for the same thing, but in different ways.

 

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