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Author Topic: Kept awake by my bf's jacking session - Now I can't sleep at all

February 01, 2020, 09:20:50 AM
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Tiredidiot


Hi, my bf and I have been dating for almost 4 years now. He is absolutely my soul mate, we barely fight, and get along amazing. 100% head over heels for him.

However last year he woke me up with a loud masturbation session one night. It took me a minute in my sleepyness to figure out what the hell was happening in the dark, but once the penny dropped my heart wouldnt stop racing, I was angry, I was jealous and very anxious. Believe me I am fully aware of how much this is not an issue. He was jacking off? Who cares, not a big deal. I know this. And I feel awful about the feelings I had in the moment.

There's been multiple times since that I heard him move and my stupid anxious brain was convinced he was at it again and thought I was asleep. and it annoys me.

My problem is, ever since then I haven't gotten a good nights sleep. I was already a light sleeper before this, and now it's even worse. If he moves, turns over or makes any noise in his sleep Im 100% awake, probably for the rest of the night.

An important detail is that I was in a previously abusive relationship for 7 years as a teenager. I left him for my currrent bf, and I've been in therapy for dealing with the leftover mess my ex did in my brain. He was insecure, jealous, and angry. He took it all out on me, and I 100% know that there's some residual issues that he rubbed off on me. I've dealt with depression and feelings of low self esteem my whole life, but being with my current bf has helped me feel like I matter more. It's a slow road to healing but I'm getting there. I was used to trying not to move or piss off my ex in bed at night, maybe these reflexes have surfaced again, I dunno.

ANYWAY my issue is I want to stop giving a shit about whether or not my current bf is up at night jacking it. I know in my heart he loves me dearly, and would do anything for me. So why does this bother me? I can't talk to him about this because, frankly I'm too embarrassed about the feelings I had over this stupid non-issue. I feel like the biggest hypocrite in the world. It shouldn't be a problem, and I genuinely don't know why I'm hung up on what he does or when he does it. Maybe part of me is worried I'm not enough for him, but that's extremely stupid, everyone masturbates even in healthy relationships. I know I'm insecure, but I'm not as insecure as my ex. Im working on it.

Just need some advice on how to move past this myself, and start getting some sleep again. I can't do more long nights of being kept awake by my own anxieties over something so dumb.

February 02, 2020, 05:59:14 PM
Reply #1
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SomeGuy


Don't you have sex with your boyfriend and then both go to sleep? If you do and he's still jacking off in the middle of the night then maybe he has a problem. Maybe he has problems sleeping or lacks self control. Most men can not go to sleep at night before they have had a wank. I've never heard of a man waking up in the night to have a wank though. That's not particularly normal. I don't know what the context is here but If this is down to sexual frustration for your boyfriend then you should have sex with him before you both go to sleep. Problem solved. You might not be in the mood but then I'm not always in the mood to walk down to 711 to buy my girlfriend ice cream at 10:30 at night. You scratch his back he scratches yours. That's how a relationship should work. 

February 04, 2020, 06:07:12 PM
Reply #2
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Tiredidiot


Don't you have sex with your boyfriend and then both go to sleep? If you do and he's still jacking off in the middle of the night then maybe he has a problem. Maybe he has problems sleeping or lacks self control. Most men can not go to sleep at night before they have had a wank. I've never heard of a man waking up in the night to have a wank though. That's not particularly normal. I don't know what the context is here but If this is down to sexual frustration for your boyfriend then you should have sex with him before you both go to sleep. Problem solved. You might not be in the mood but then I'm not always in the mood to walk down to 711 to buy my girlfriend ice cream at 10:30 at night. You scratch his back he scratches yours. That's how a relationship should work.

We do have sex, of course. But this instance that woke me up I was coming to the last couple days of my period. I had 0 interest for that week to fool around, and that's usually the case. He doesn't pester me unless I seek that out, there's been times where I didn't wanna fool around with blood involved, it's a bit of a turn off. So instead I ended up pleasing him, and he usually gets me back double time when im done with my period.

We also do often have sex before bed, but there are times where we're both too tired due to work or whatever else to do it every single night (which I think is normal).

I don't think he woke up to have a wank, but maybe waited for me to fall asleep.. or he sometimes wakes up to pee, maybe he woke up and couldnt get back to sleep so he just had a wank to speed that up? I dunno. We are good at pleasing eachother, but it's not just been me who hasn't been in the mood. He's not on 100% of the time, I've tried a couple times and he was too exhausted, or had to get up at 6 the next morning.

 

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