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Author Topic: Is watching porn considered cheating on a long distance relationship??

April 16, 2019, 08:59:24 PM
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Panini


My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year, six months of those were long distance. Before I left we recorded some naughty videos of us, and he took pictures of me naked. Then we would have naughty time over FaceTime almost every day, and we promised each other that we wouldn't touch ourselves if we weren't together.
During those six months I visited him for a whole month, and I found in his YouTube history a short video of a girl, he promised me that he wasn't watching porn, he said, "why would I do that if I have over a hundred pictures and videos of you", so I trusted him. 3 weeks after I moved in with him, and I was using his phone one day to look up something, and I hate when he leaves the tabs open, so I was gonna close them, when I see 3 of them were porn. I was broken. I started throwing things at him, and then he said, "babe, I know it looks bad, but I didn't want you to think I just wanted you for sex, and I got tired of watching the same videos and pictures all the time" (i don't know why tho, cuz why he would have to if we had naughty time together almost every day). And he also said he would pretend the girl was me, which is kinda funny, cuz two of those videos were threesome, so which girl was i. It really fucked me up because I can't trust him anymore, I literally asked him every day, you didn't touch yourself, right?, and he would swear up and down that he didn't. Now he gets mad at me every time I bring it up, but it really affected me. I have mini anxiety attacks every day because of it, and I even have dreams about it. He tells me to move on, but it's not that easy. Any advice? I just needed to get it off my chest, and I can't really tell anyone this kind of stuff.
 

April 24, 2019, 02:16:11 AM
Reply #1
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reginaalexandra


Hi, it's difficult. I have been in the same position you have been in. Is it considered cheating, every person has their own definition of the word. I use to think it was until my husband brought to my attention that me reading romance (sometimes, erotica) is classed as cheating because they are both 'art forms' one in literature and the other in film. Now he knows I read books and doesn't bring it up anymore and I assume he watches porn and leave it at that. He says my content makes him feel insecure and I said 'right back at you'. Because yes, both are fiction I do find porn videos more offensive to a woman, most men that I know of watch porn and I personally have but have and will never admit in reality. I've learnt to accept that there are things that people do, that you can't change. He's most likely gets mad because he doesn't like fighting about the same thing, my husband is the same. But do you care enough for him to accept it and let it go? I know it's challenging but it's now up to you.

August 05, 2019, 08:23:18 PM
Reply #2
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Roosje


In the tv series Friends there was an episode with Chandler and Monica and a big misunderstanding about what he was pleasuring himself to... I know that men watch porn and that their brains are wired in a way women can't grasp. I think you could try watching together, maybe you will not feel excluded.

Please these questions and if it resonates I am here to read your answers.
Love yourself darling.

August 30, 2019, 02:11:59 AM
Reply #3
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Link


I feel like porn is fine as long as their guidelines. Like no live porn. No watching people they know, ect.

September 17, 2019, 06:44:05 AM
Reply #4
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Kgay


I definitely don't think it's cheating. If he was watching porn in preference to having sex with you it would be a problem .However because it is a long term relationship, I think it is a safe way to make the relationship sustainable. Be pleased it helps him not be sexually frustrated whilst he's away from you and yet ready to go when he's with you. You are his partner in the flesh, there is no comparison. In my opinion let it go and be happy he is a sexual being, you're are the one that will benefit.

September 19, 2019, 05:25:08 PM
Reply #5
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I Love Buster


Definitely not....its not personal, it just can help make things easier physically.

September 20, 2019, 12:29:12 PM
Reply #6
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Confused giraffe


As another person said, reading erotica is kinda the same as watching por n, I think erotica is probably worse cause it's all down to the imagination and it would be just perfect *sighs blissfully* lol .

I know not touching yourselves when apart is a sweet notion.. but sex increases the desire for sex. No sex fades away that desire.
So why not let him have a fumble when you're apart? And you yourself? If you can do naughty face time, why not have naughty messages? Like have him message you whilst he's watching it. . So you're still part of it. Find out what he likes about it,see what you can both do together? Or try watching it together?
And naughty time together every day would be different to watching the same video every day, unless of course you were doing the exact same things every single time, then that would get boring!


September 25, 2019, 04:08:51 PM
Reply #7
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helpmepixie


No, to me porn is fine.

I would only ever be angry in the situation in which I was *ahem* available and he chose porn over me.

September 25, 2019, 09:19:32 PM
Reply #8
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yami11


porn is okay,  as a guy you need to release those feeling or it will distract you from every day life and it can be annoying. But you're issue is not that he watched porn, it's that he lied to you, you trusted him and he lied to your face,  he may not be able to articulate himself right  and how he feels but   he still lied which is not okay, you are in the right to feel  like you do and my suggestion is to talk to him about it and let him know that he can't lie to you anymore, if you don't have trust then what do you have. I'm a guy, 27, my advice it to let him off the hook but have a serious talk with him and make sure he knows that he can't lie again or you're done

October 08, 2019, 03:09:09 PM
Reply #9
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Carbry


No not at all in my opinion. You are basically watching a movie that turns you on as your partner isn't there with you.

November 13, 2019, 10:20:11 PM
Reply #10
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LongDistanceSolution


I don't belive it's cheating. And truth is that we are all Humans/Animals with needs. And no matter if we say ''i only got eyes for you'' that could be true yes but that doesn't mean that we cant apreciate other people's beauty or body... depends on the point of view.

But normally, when we trully love our Lover... we only got eyes for Her/Him  ;D ;D
Tryng new things, toys, ideas, new moments it's always good and pleasant as well...

I like to use This One's: https://www.lovense.com/r/noxa3w with my partner. Works like magic with us. Keeping the fire burning ;)
Filipe Dos Santos Araújo

November 18, 2019, 07:55:17 PM
Reply #11
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Murough


I promise you it’s not cheating especially in a long distance relationship. I use to have the same opinion. I didn’t want my ex husband to touch himself or watch porn. I thought it would make sex better if it was only us. He managed without it but honestly it didn’t improve our sex life or bring us closer. He could also do it because we were never apart. If he was horny I was there but demanding long distance a man avoid pleasuring himself and restricting him to only images you two made I promise you is insane and you are going to drive a huge wedge between you two. Personally I didn’t enjoy self pleasure or porn. Then years into my marriage I figured out what toys worked and what porn got me going. My sex life with my ex was way better after that. I had the completely wrong attitude for a long time. You don’t need to worry so much about the number of people in the videos. It doesn’t matter who is in the videos. I’m with a new man now and we are older. He is a chunk older then me and can’t keep up with my sex drive. So he has no problem with me watching porn or going solo. I will watch videos where there is dicks everywhere sometimes and I still think about him and what I want him to do to me. The images are just sensory stimulation to get you were you need to be. Sometimes you just need a more extreme image to help your body do what it needs to do. I really think your relationship will have a lot of issues if you don’t do a 180 on this no porn ban. Instead I think you need to apologize for taking such a aggressive stance and tell him in turn he needs to be more honest then to agree to something if he cannot do it. I think it would be really helpful if instead of banning porn and self gratification. Ask him to involve you. Find a toy you like. Send eachother porn that makes you feel good and tell eachother I watched this while a I thought about you. I want you to watch it and think about me. You both would feel a lot closer and better about sex in general if you can do things like this. Also if you describe what you liked in the videos you both could become a lot better at pleasing eachother.

November 24, 2019, 06:31:29 PM
Reply #12
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Iusedtobeavirgin


Sorry that I inform you this coldly, about 180% of men like watching porn and about the 210% would like to have a threesome with his GF/wife and a second chick.

Maybe you could start watching porn yourself and asking for a threesome with a second dude and see if he doesn't get jealous. also about 300% of men would get jealous if his girlfriend wanted a threesome with another guy (double standards). And about 90% of women watch porn too. Maybe its time for you too know how devious humankind really is.

January 08, 2020, 01:26:20 PM
Reply #13
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NarutoYi


Maybe he is addicted to porn and masturbation.Its a complex thing and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.Girl tell him to start a NoFap journey (you can look a lot of videos on youtube).It’s a hard journey and he has to be fully commited to it.Trust me in the end the benefits are amazing and the life will be better.

January 11, 2020, 07:30:30 PM
Reply #14
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shadow42069129


Guy here, I would say no. As much as it may have hurt your feelings and even made you feel insecure it isn't quite a personal thing. I was long distance for about 2 years and its very hard to keep things spicy (not either of your faults!) but without being able to have that physical intimacy in person its just gonna be tough regardless. It does NOT mean that you are not enough or that he does not love you or is not attracted to you. As others may have mentioned it can just be used as a tool to get him going, and speaking from personal experience it can be used for him to imagine you without having to visualize the actual sexual act. Also you guys are a fairly new couple and some things its hard to be completely honest about so early on.

Honestly, I know its hard to not be angry about... but at least he didn't physically cheat on you. He may have been watching videos of others, but its sometimes used as a crutch to think about you.

January 14, 2020, 10:27:09 AM
Reply #15
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123london987


I don't think watching porn is cheating.. it depends on the circumstance though. If he is watching live web cam/ following the same pornstars, talking online with people this would be more hurtful

January 16, 2020, 09:16:07 AM
Reply #16
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Blanket


I don't consider it cheating. My boyfriend and I sometimes watch porn for amusement. (Mostly initiated by me)
The most traumatic one so far was the fisting. I've never seen one my entire life so I wanted someone to be there for me in case I get traumatized lol The both of us were very traumatized.

He also says he doesn't need porn because he has materials of me. But I also wouldn't mind if he does watch porn.

I suggest you find something you both like and watch it together. Amateur porn are usually more intimate than "official" ones. Less fake too.

February 02, 2020, 08:41:04 AM
Reply #17
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SomeGuy


Porn is the last thing people have to worry about with a long distance relationship. If the only issue is that one of you is watching porn you should be grateful given just how much deception and cheating goes on in most LDR's. I will say though that sending each other dirty videos and nudes is an extremely bad idea. If you split up in the future which you inevitably will do these videos could be used as revenge porn. This is what most of these pornographic phone videos are. The secret stash that was leaked after the relationship ended badly.

February 07, 2020, 01:16:18 PM
Reply #18
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DoubleDrake


Porn is so destructive!! It changes the brain and makes people start believing in a different reality. A fantasy world. It leads to taking chances that normally wouldn't be taken just to live out the fantasy world they start to believe in. I've seen it happen too many times! It is a real addiction and has the effects of taking drugs on the brain. I would plead with him to stop watching it. Don't make him feel ashamed for watching it, but be honest. Let him know it hurts you when he does that. It hurts your relationship and the intimacy between the two of you. Any sexual activity should be directed at you and for the two of you. When it is, then that relationship becomes powerful and the sex is more than just sex, it's sex with love! Tell him he can be honest with you. If he feels the need some time, to contact you, let the two of you talk through it. Maybe do something sexy over the phone or text to keep that focus on each other. In that way, he'll start turning to you instead of porn.

February 19, 2020, 04:45:51 PM
Reply #19
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michaelfosterzz


Im a guy so i can seem bias but i strongly agree with Roosje: "In the tv series Friends there was an episode with Chandler and Monica and a big misunderstanding about what he was pleasuring himself to... I know that men watch porn and that their brains are wired in a way women can't grasp. I think you could try watching together, maybe you will not feel excluded.

Please these questions and if it resonates I am here to read your answers.
Love yourself darling."

February 21, 2020, 11:11:55 AM
Reply #20
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GinjaNinja


The difficult thing about this question is it really comes down to personal preference. Personally, I think it is, which is why every time I've been in a relationship I stopped watching porn. The thing that's different about this situation, though, is that you and your boyfriend had agreed to not touch yourselves unless it was too each other, so there were parameters that were set up. Now, there is no way to prove that your boyfriend is lying, at least from what I can tell, so I don;t think there's any reason to worry about it unless you truly have reason to believe that he is being dishonest (and I mean solid physical evidence that may point to that). If there isn't, there is no need to think so much on it because then you'll get paranoid and that'll be more detrimental to the relationship.

I hope this helps! :-)
Having something to lose is what makes life worth living

February 24, 2020, 08:50:24 AM
Reply #21
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wellYeahIDontKnow


I really don't think watching porn is cheating.
I'm a woman and I don't think that anyone wathes porn because they don't like their significant other.
Don't worry about it too much I'm sure he loves you and hsi porn habit has nothing to do with you!

February 26, 2020, 10:08:08 AM
Reply #22
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Hahabun


I think watching porn is fine especially when you guys wouldnt be seeing eqch other for so long. But i feel like your bf shldnt have lied to you and if he thinks its unrealistic then he shouldve told you in the first place.

June 15, 2020, 01:19:06 AM
Reply #23
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LoveDoctor


My friend, I think it depends on how you feel. Some women will say "no"...as long as he's not having real physical sex with the porn star or you seeing his mug in the group video. Just because you saw videos on his phone doesn't mean you should 'convict him of a crime.' Don't be such a convicting 'judge on the bench.'
« Last Edit: June 15, 2020, 01:23:45 AM by LoveDoctor »
Ron Kennedy
TheLoveDoctor

September 19, 2020, 01:33:54 PM
Reply #24
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Sweetcheryl


I can't see why watching porn or masturbating should be a matter of concern! People have sexual basic instincts that need to be fulfilled, and it's better if it's done by oneself and masturbating than cheating on you with another girl. That's my honest opinion. In fact, if it's a masturbation and you're thinking about your partner it's not even bad, it can even make your future encounter more exciting.

September 20, 2020, 11:53:18 AM
Reply #25
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CyberQuinn66


I don't consider it cheating, I'm okay with it if my gf does it, and she is okay if I do it - although she feels guilty doing it herself so I avoid it.
I think it all depends on your relationship. Is there anyway you two can exchange photos of eachother instead and enjoy yourselves to that?

 

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