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Author Topic: is my heart closed? issues with attraction? I need your advice.

June 17, 2020, 01:22:32 PM
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I have been dating this woman back and forth for the last 5 years.
When we are not in a relationship, I think of her every day and I miss her.

As soon as we start dating again I start having anxiety about her and I dont feel attraction.
She is very pretty and very beautiful but somehow my mind focuses on small intricate details like...omg her lips are so small or I think there is a wrinkle on her face or why does her nose look so big today?

She is a very special woman with a very big heart and she loves me deeply. She accepts me the way I am and I truly know she loves me. Do I love her? I dont know?? I know i have emotional issues cause I always find something wrong in every girl I date.. anything from bad skin, to something else.

I have dated her 3 times, each time about 6-10 months. In the beginning it's usually good but when things starts getting a little bit more serious I start pulling back.

I have issues with desiring her sexually. I love her company but when I look at her, I am not sexually drawn to her even though she is super pretty and have a great body.

There have been women half as attractive as her that I have been sexually drawn to but somehow I can't get around to being sexually aroused by her. It's almost like a chore that I have to be sexual with her. When we have sex, I do enjoy it at the moment but there is almost a wall between us that has to be broken down each time we get sexual.

A little about myself... I have not been the best when it comes to relationships. I have had many casual sexual relationships.. maybe I have forgotten the meaning of love?

I generally suffer from overthinking. My gf is also 37 years old, same age as me and often times I think of much younger women and how they are more attractive and sometimes I wish I was with someone much younger and more fresh.
I know if I break up with her I will go back to thinking about her and missing her and feel like i have made the biggest mistake.

Of all the women I have ever known/dated, she is by far the most special one that always stood out in the crowd and we share the same values and we have a great time together. The problem really is down to 2 things.

1. her age, I wish she was younger, maybe this is the reason I am not as attracted to her as I should be?
2. I am not drawn to her.. I love/like her tons, and I can't imagine not being with her, but at the same time.. there is no sexual desire from my end..

At times there have been sexual desire, but most of the time, it's not there.

IT's like I want to be with her but at the same time I dont? i can't explain it.. i want to be in a relatinship with her and have her around but I dont want to spend that much time with her..only when I am bored or free.

I am really confused, any advice from anyone?



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