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Author Topic: Is he too controlling? Should I leave?

February 22, 2019, 08:16:44 PM
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My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. Recently I met some new girlfriends. He suggested we see a therapist because we Have been planning to move in together. At therapy today he suddenly said I spend most my time on the weekends with my friends and he feels unimportant. Thing is I only spend one weekend day a month not with him. I see my friends on other days. Weekends have been our time. He said couples he knows that are in love want to spend all their time together. The therapist tried to get him to say how many weekend days a month he expects me to spend with him and he said he said 6 then he said he may want us to spend all our free time together and maybe it just won’t work out if I don’t agree. I feel he doesn’t want me to have a life outside him. If he feels unimportant with me spending one day on one weekend a month without him then what does he want? If I move in will I be a prisoner? Will I get to see friends? He wants to be first priority. Which he already is and can’t see. He said he wants someone who wants to spend all her time with him. The therapist said he is being unreasonable. I want someone who lets me have my time. He wants to spend more week days together too. I just think that’s too much. I know we will be together a lot when I move in but I’ll still be able to have me time I hope. This guy seems like he is very controlling. He even started arguing with the therapist about how she was running the session.he even tried to control that.  I left very upset. He’s a sweet and loving guy but I’m wondering if we should go to more sessions together or just end it. I want someone laid back and happy with me as me. I feel I have to constantly please him. I want to be equals. I don’t feel he tries to please me. I’m afraid to ask to see friends because im afraid it’ll upset him. I’m just so confused. He wanted to take my calendar into therapy and add up all time I spent with friends and compare it with time I spent with him. I refused and said it’s unhealthy. The therapist agreed.

February 24, 2019, 05:40:34 PM
Reply #1


Hey lovely

Put it out there, big red flag. Moving in could solve the problem but it’s not certain. If his controlling even the therapist or at least criticising her there is a deeper issue and you may find that he will act out like that when ever you try to express your own options. You need to be happy in your life and it’s ok to put yourself and your needs first.

If you love him you could try to continue therapy but if the love isn’t strong move on babe and fin someone who loves you for who you are, opinions and all .

April 11, 2019, 03:08:17 PM
Reply #2


I disagree with your boyfriend's logic completely. Couples that are in love and secure in their relationships, do not want to spend ALL of their time together. That is called co-dependency which is beyond unhealthy. I am married. My husband and I love each other very much and love spending time together, but part of why our relationship works is due to the time we spend apart. It is healthy to do things without your significant other.

April 12, 2019, 10:38:51 AM
Reply #3

Ell Roo

Everyone is different on how they should spend their tim together and what days they should but once a person starts saying that kind stuff like they feel unimportant just because yoj hang out with your friends, that is so controlling in my book. No one should stop you from being human and interacting with friends. Have a serious talk with this person nd set boundaries.

Best of luck!

August 16, 2019, 12:51:58 AM
Reply #4


Ultra red flag. This man is showing signs of possessiveness already. He needs to compromise and allow you to get out and enjoy life sometimes. If you're doing it too frequently then you may need to slow it down; otherwise, you're doing nothing wrong (unless you're hollering at other men). If you aren't doing anything shady or scandalous, your mans needs to calm down and stop being a woman. Good luck. If the possessiveness gets a little to burdensome it's time to kick him to the curb, and tell him to get his act together.
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