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Author Topic: Is distance okay?

January 07, 2019, 07:13:28 AM
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Aleeah420@gmail.com


So me and my boyfriend of 3 years got into a little argument about him not being able to tell me things. I guess i should start off by saying how this all started. This is all through text mind you. So um my car broke down at his house. His dad has a mechanic. So i ask him if he could talk to his dad about getting the mechanic to fix the problem. And he tells me no i asked why yada yada. Now hes getting mad because im being persistent about wanting to know his reasoning behind not wanting to ask. Other then "because i dont want to" n cussing n fussing. Anyways so after all this i ask if hes scared to ask his dad for things and he says yes. So now im mad because i think its wrong that he can feel more comfortable with fussing with me about this. Then just saying what the actual problem was I would've been understanding. N i tell him that but he says he didnt want to tell me. So thats where this distance thing starts to come in. Because before we even got together before he even knew me for even like a full month. He was able to tell me all these things ya know n the hard time he was having about someone close to him passing away. I even know about how hurt he was about how his dad treated him when he was little etc. But he's not comfortable enough to tell me something as simple as that? Im just kinda at a lost here. I dunno if i should be taking this to heart as much as i am. Or if its perfectly normal for things to end up this way. Because to me we should be getting closer to each other more open with one another more of everything Not less. To me it means hes loosing interest and i just feel like its my fault. Well it has to be maybe i was in the wrong for persisting. I told him that he just wants to be distant. And he just told me so what and to be understanding about it but i dont see how this is something i should just be jolly about. We dont see each other enough as it is. So what's the need for distance when he has so much freedom. N its funny how this all started just from me talking about my car

January 08, 2019, 05:47:00 PM
Reply #1
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Staff

Forum Staff
So me and my boyfriend of 3 years got into a little argument about him not being able to tell me things. I guess i should start off by saying how this all started. This is all through text mind you. So um my car broke down at his house. His dad has a mechanic. So i ask him if he could talk to his dad about getting the mechanic to fix the problem. And he tells me no i asked why yada yada. Now hes getting mad because im being persistent about wanting to know his reasoning behind not wanting to ask. Other then "because i dont want to" n cussing n fussing. Anyways so after all this i ask if hes scared to ask his dad for things and he says yes. So now im mad because i think its wrong that he can feel more comfortable with fussing with me about this. Then just saying what the actual problem was I would've been understanding. N i tell him that but he says he didnt want to tell me. So thats where this distance thing starts to come in. Because before we even got together before he even knew me for even like a full month. He was able to tell me all these things ya know n the hard time he was having about someone close to him passing away. I even know about how hurt he was about how his dad treated him when he was little etc. But he's not comfortable enough to tell me something as simple as that? Im just kinda at a lost here. I dunno if i should be taking this to heart as much as i am. Or if its perfectly normal for things to end up this way. Because to me we should be getting closer to each other more open with one another more of everything Not less. To me it means hes loosing interest and i just feel like its my fault. Well it has to be maybe i was in the wrong for persisting. I told him that he just wants to be distant. And he just told me so what and to be understanding about it but i dont see how this is something i should just be jolly about. We dont see each other enough as it is. So what's the need for distance when he has so much freedom. N its funny how this all started just from me talking about my car

Sounds like a silly argument, I have had plenty of those in the past lol.

Though, it's sorta weird that he's acting that way @Aleeah420@gmail.com, especially as you have been together for 3 years. You would think he would want to provide you with a helping hand and get his dad to fix the issue and give you a discount.

How is your relationship with his dad? Were you expecting to have the car sorted for free?

I'm trying to work out what he acted so negatively to it.
Your friendly neighborhood moderator.=)

January 08, 2019, 08:17:29 PM
Reply #2
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Aleeah420@gmail.com


Sounds like a silly argument, I have had plenty of those in the past lol.

Though, it's sorta weird that he's acting that way @Aleeah420@gmail.com, especially as you have been together for 3 years. You would think he would want to provide you with a helping hand and get his dad to fix the issue and give you a discount.

How is your relationship with his dad? Were you expecting to have the car sorted for free?

I'm trying to work out what he acted so negatively to it.
[/quote]

Yes after i calmed down and thought about it it is really silly to argue about this. And this is my first relationship so i think i tend to over analyze things.

He said that it was because i was prying about wanting to know why he wouldnt ask that made him upset.
I wouldnt say i have an actual relationship with his dad. I greet him and were friendly. He doesnt speak english that well so we cant fully communicate.

And no i wasn't expecting to get any free work done. I was willing to pay for it. The thing is that the work i need done would need to be done on two different days. So i wanted him to ask his dad if the mechanic would be willing to do that and how much it would cost. I was willing to pay extra if needed. I even told my boyfriend to put his dad on the phone so i can ask instead since he didn't want to. But my bf still refused. So you know I was frustrated about that he was being unreasonable and petty.

My boyfriend said he would do half the job for me. So the mechanic would only have to come out 1 day instead. But he's (bf) sick now. And when hes sick it last for a while. My car has been sitting at his house for a month and a half now and i need it to go to work and school and im also thinking about selling it to get something more reliable. I don't want to go another month without doing something about it again. And that's why i was being pushy about why he couldn't just do that for me.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2019, 08:19:35 PM by Aleeah420@gmail.com »

January 08, 2019, 08:28:18 PM
Reply #3
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Staff

Forum Staff
Sounds like a silly argument, I have had plenty of those in the past lol.

Though, it's sorta weird that he's acting that way @Aleeah420@gmail.com, especially as you have been together for 3 years. You would think he would want to provide you with a helping hand and get his dad to fix the issue and give you a discount.

How is your relationship with his dad? Were you expecting to have the car sorted for free?

I'm trying to work out what he acted so negatively to it.

Yes after i calmed down and thought about it it is really silly to argue about this. And this is my first relationship so i think i tend to over analyze things.

He said that it was because i was prying about wanting to know why he wouldnt ask that made him upset.
I wouldnt say i have an actual relationship with his dad. I greet him and were friendly. He doesnt speak english that well so we cant fully communicate.

And no i wasn't expecting to get any free work done. I was willing to pay for it. The thing is that the work i need done would need to be done on two different days. So i wanted him to ask his dad if the mechanic would be willing to do that and how much it would cost. I was willing to pay extra if needed. I even told my boyfriend to put his dad on the phone so i can ask instead since he didn't want to. But my bf still refused. So you know I was frustrated about that he was being unreasonable and petty.

My boyfriend said he would do half the job for me. So the mechanic would only have to come out 1 day instead. But he's (bf) sick now. And when hes sick it last for a while. My car has been sitting at his house for a month and a half now and i need it to go to work and school and im also thinking about selling it to get something more reliable. I don't want to go another month without doing something about it again. And that's why i was being pushy about why he couldn't just do that for me.
[/quote]

That's weird. The only reason I can think of .. which I'm sure it isn't! Is that he doesn't want you to have a relationship with his dad?

weird stuff.
Your friendly neighborhood moderator.=)

January 14, 2019, 07:27:51 PM
Reply #4
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missg


So me and my boyfriend of 3 years got into a little argument about him not being able to tell me things. I guess i should start off by saying how this all started. This is all through text mind you. So um my car broke down at his house. His dad has a mechanic. So i ask him if he could talk to his dad about getting the mechanic to fix the problem. And he tells me no i asked why yada yada. Now hes getting mad because im being persistent about wanting to know his reasoning behind not wanting to ask. Other then "because i dont want to" n cussing n fussing. Anyways so after all this i ask if hes scared to ask his dad for things and he says yes. So now im mad because i think its wrong that he can feel more comfortable with fussing with me about this. Then just saying what the actual problem was I would've been understanding. N i tell him that but he says he didnt want to tell me. So thats where this distance thing starts to come in. Because before we even got together before he even knew me for even like a full month. He was able to tell me all these things ya know n the hard time he was having about someone close to him passing away. I even know about how hurt he was about how his dad treated him when he was little etc. But he's not comfortable enough to tell me something as simple as that? Im just kinda at a lost here. I dunno if i should be taking this to heart as much as i am. Or if its perfectly normal for things to end up this way. Because to me we should be getting closer to each other more open with one another more of everything Not less. To me it means hes loosing interest and i just feel like its my fault. Well it has to be maybe i was in the wrong for persisting. I told him that he just wants to be distant. And he just told me so what and to be understanding about it but i dont see how this is something i should just be jolly about. We dont see each other enough as it is. So what's the need for distance when he has so much freedom. N its funny how this all started just from me talking about my car

Did you ever end up getting your car fix by your boyfriends dad @Aleeah420@gmail.com ?

January 24, 2019, 05:50:12 AM
Reply #5
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Neisha95


I think it’s just a silly argument. He may have been embarrassed to tell you that he is afraid to ask his dad things. I think you should reassure him that no matter how big or small the issue is he can always confide in you and you will be nonjudgmental. He may feel uncomfortable asking his dad things due to their past. Ask him to be more open and communicate his difficulties with you so you won’t press the issue.

February 24, 2019, 05:01:56 AM
Reply #6
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therightfitnow


I just celebrated my 4th year anniversary.  The first year we dated in the same city.  Then he moved out of state and we've lived apart for 3 years.  We see each other about once a month. He's in construction, a very hard worker.  Not only are we long distance but he is a workaholic--a double whammy! 

He's working on a big project now and I don't know when I'll see him again.  Three weeks ago I visited him for 5 days--the longest we've stayed together at one time.  Everything was great.  Two weeks later he started the new project and did not return any of my calls and has not called to this day (a week later). This is not like him. I did call him but but was so pissed that I cut the call short.  I'm normally very understanding, but I guess I'm just tired.

This happened before 2 years ago and I almost called it quits, but when the project was over, he came back to his usual attentive self and everything fell back into place.  He really is attentive when there's not a lot of work going on (which is why I am hanging in here)

We love each other  He has promised a vacation as soon as he is done put his house on the market.  Any tips? Barely holding on here.

 

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