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Author Topic: I just can't understand how this is my fault?

September 25, 2019, 04:09:28 PM
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helpmepixie


I came to my boyfriend's city for the weekend. He lives in a different city so we only see each other at the weekend. Spent a lot of money to get here, currently extremely broke. My boyfriend is usually extremely attentive and really caring for context. We've only been together a few months.

Anyway, since I have arrived i was non stop running errands. He is moving house next week and so is currently staying at a hotel.

When I got here on Friday it was past 9pm and he said he needed to go back to work to print stuff off. This took less than an hour. All good - appreciated him picking me up! We dropped the printouts at his sisters (first time I met her). We stopped for a coffee and he was messing around on instagram when I was trying to tell him about my week. Jokingly I said "Every time you go on your phone I'm gonna stop talking!". We laughed about it, he put his phone away and we carried on as normal. After this about 1am we went to smoke weed with his brother until about 3am. First time meeting his brother as well. Went well - all chatting and getting on.

When we got back to the hotel BF started crying - saying I had made him feel guilty about using his phone before and we weren't "connected" as we usually are. Felt taken aback and tried to reassure him it wasn't an issue, more a pet peeve which I've told him about. Chat lasted 2 hours ish. Slept about 5am.

Had to wake up at 10am as he had an event he had to do in another city at 2pm. I went to this and waited around whilst he did it. Took 4 hours round trip to get there. Obviously I enjoyed watching him do this, but the effort I feel was there on my behalf.

We then went to his sister's bday party where I met all his family and his best friend and his wife. All went well, felt relaxed and happy around him, everything back to normal. He then met his brother again at 1am to smoke. I said I didn't want to go because I was tired, so he went. Even though he lives with this brother all week. After like an hour I asked him to come back because it was our last night together, which he did.

Sunday morning we both had to wake up at 8am again to move stuff for his house move, which involved me basically sitting in the car for three hours so his friend could help him carry stuff. Obviously I understand this is necessary and needed to be done, he kept saying "I appreciate you so much, thank you for waiting" etc., and jokingly said it was "inhumane treatment" to leave me in a car so long doing nothing.

Come 4pm, he says he needs to go to his weekly running training which will take 2 hours. This would take us up to 7pm. So he's dropped me at a local coffee shop and then he's going to be 2 hours. After 2 and a half hours i text him saying "how long will you be?" and he replies saying he's jsut getting a picture for instagram. I say "really? okay. dont you think thats not on when ive been waiting nearly 3 hours".

I felt like shit. I know its so childish but I made such an effort to be there and I just felt so exhausted by all the running around. We didn't do anything nice, and we didn't really interact apart from during the drives to the things he needed to do. I spent over £100 travelling down and for the hotel.

On top of this I have had really bad UTI infection so still had a temperature and feel sick. Also felt extremely anxious in a motorway service station coffee shop unable to leave or get home (BF had agreed to take me home because of expensive trains)

When BF picked me up he shouted at me, calling me selfish and manipulative. Saying that it's the first time he saw his friend all week. I said I felt low on the list of his priorities and that I was ill and tired. He said I wanted him to cancel his session. I replied saying there was countless times when I had he had a flat that I would wait there whilst he was training and NEVER bother him on the training he did, even if he was late. My issue, I said, was being uncomfortable, ratty and ill and wanting to not be in a public place. I apologised for the texts which were out of character, and admitted they were bitchy.

He was silent the hour it took to drive back. We stopped at services halfway and I bought him a cuddly keyring type thing and a doughnut as a stupid peace offering - I really didn't see how much it would blow up.

He said he was leaving as soon as he dropped me off (we would usually get food). I was really upset crying and he just basically shut down - wouldn't look at me, wouldn't respond to me trying to hug him. He said "I just want to go home" over and over again. Then I said "are we done with this then?" (meaning the argument) and he said "yes" - I said "are we breaking up right now?" and he said I am.

Sent him numerous apology texts after he left. Didnt respond. He called me last night and basically said:

He didn't want to be with someone so manipulative

I acted like his sister (who he said is the most backstabbing person he knows)

I was making him feel guilty when he shouldn't feel guilty

I knew he was insecure and still I acted so nastily I knew he was a social media runner who needed to do his training

He then said we should have an in person conversation and he needs a "few more days to think about his decision"... He said he would come see me Friday. we haven't been in contact since this call Monday night. We usually talk each day.

Just to clarify... He ASKED me to come down (we see each other every weekend) and these events weren't planned, i.e. before I booked the Hotel I only thought the birthday party and the run were happening.

I did not moan or think anything of helping him this weekend, I get life is busy

I did not expect at any point for him to cancel his session - in fact, numerous times I have waited in his car/flat when he trains - no issues there. It was literally the combination of a shitty coffee shop, no money, illness and tiredness after a long weekend.

To add... He's under stress at work at the minute, been given a more senior role. He also is moving (obviously) And he mentioned he is becoming quite broke because of the move.

---- Am I missing something?

I know I was a bitch with the messages, but like I said, I was so fed up at 7pm on a Sunday after such a busy weekend. Is it enough to breakup with someone?!?!

Does stress play any role in this?

And what do you think the chances of a reconciliation are?

TL;DR:

I asked my boyfriend when he would be picking me up after his training after I'd been waiting in a coffee shop with a UTI for three hours and he dumped me - what gives?

October 07, 2019, 02:09:31 PM
Reply #1
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jpar582


I do definitely think that stress has played a role in this. You guys both have legitimate reasons for acting the way you did and I don't really blame either of you. However I do carefully want to suggest whether staying with this guy would be right for you in the long term. If he explodes like that over comparatively minor issues in the relationship (calling you manipulative etc is a bit of an overreaction in my view) I'm not sure whether you guys will be able to stay together for long. A more sensitive and understanding man would have realised how much you've done for him and at least shown his appreciation for it by controlling his anger a bit.

 

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