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Author Topic: I Have A Crush and I Don't Know What To Do About It (Long)

September 12, 2019, 06:05:56 AM
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SpaceMatter


I want to give the warning that this is kind of long and it might be slightly confusing at times. My apologies in advance.

Fall 2018
I was a freshman entering my first year at college. The first few weeks were filled with lots of people being introduced to me, and the first day was no exception. I am a Theatre Production major, so at first, I hung out with my fellow Theatre Production majors. The upper-class Theatre Production majors were kind enough to introduce me to some of their friends that were Acting majors and even other students that weren't a part of the theatre program. This is where my problem starts to begin.

One of the guys that was introduced to me through one of my fellow Theatre Production majors was a guy that I am going to call GA. GA is one of those people that's quiet when you first meet him, but is super awesome when you get to know him. He's one of the nicest people I've ever met, and I'm not just saying that because I have a crush on him. If he even hears a small rumor that suggests that someone he knows or has at least heard of needs help, he rushes to their aid and helps them to the best of his ability. He's super creative as well and is an insanely brilliant person.

When I first met GA, I basically instantly fell in love with him. I never said anything to him about it. I didn't even hint towards the fact that I liked anyone.

Spring 2019
The spring semester rolled around and I still had feelings for GA. Because I am a Theatre Production major, we are assigned a show every semester that we have to be a part of from beginning to end. I was assigned the show that GA was cast in. From auditions to the final bow, GA made sure every person felt welcome in the production team, helped anyone who was sick, and if someone had a birthday during the production, he gave them a present. I still kept quiet about my crush...sort of.

During the spring semester someone set up a site where people in my school could anonymously leave a message for their crush and it would be posted to the page. Once I found out about this site, I sent in two messages to GA. Both times he left a comment wondering who had a crush on him and that it was kind of breaking his heart that the person who liked him wished to remain anonymous. Both times I was too scared to reveal my identity, so we went into the summer with me still having a crush on him and him still knowing that someone had a crush on him, but not knowing who it was. I continued to have a crush on him over the summer, but didn't do anything about it.

Fall 2019
I returned to school in the fall and discovered that I am once again assigned to the same production assignment as GA, only this time we won't be seeing each other as often because our positions are different. About two weeks into the semester, I decided that enough was enough, so I would tell GA that I had a crush on him... anonymously (again). I created a fake Instagram account and messaged him nearly a week ago. Here's how our conversation has been going.

Me: This is going to sound weird and I'm sorry but I've had a crush on you for a while and I haven't had the guts to tell you until now. You don't know who I am, which makes me saying this completely pointless. I understand if this means nothing to you or if you ignore it. I just wanted to get it off my chest.
GA: Ok. Thank you for telling me. I hope you feel like you can talk to me as you are. But if you won't that's ok. I get it. Like this really can't mean anything to me if I don't know who you are.
Me: Thank you for understanding and not freaking out. I've been stressing over telling you how I feel and it's quite relieving to know you aren't mad or upset.
GA: Why would I be either?
Me: I don't know.

I think I'm approaching the point where I want to reveal to GA who I am, but I'm not sure how to do it. I honestly think I have a shot with him, even if it's just one date where we have the chance to talk about this whole situation and figure it out. Unless I'm reading his messages the wrong way, which, knowing me, I probably am. I just don't know what to do right now, but I know I want to move forward in a positive direction. This is where I am asking for advice. What should I say to him? Should I keep our conversation going? When/how do you think it would be appropriate for me to tell him who I am? 

The other (and last) important detail to note is that I have a bit of relationship anxiety. I've never been in a romantic relationship before. I also don't have a very good relationship with my father, who is a very abusive, controlling, and manipulative human scumbag. I don't want to end up like my father, especially in terms of being in a relationship with someone, which is why I've never been in a serious relationship before. Throughout middle school and high school, I was not permitted to hang out with my friends outside of school, unless it was for a school related project. Even so, he had to go to the place where my friend(s) and I were working and sit in the same room as us until we were done working or when he had enough of it. Once high school ended and I started working retail, he drove me to and from work every single shift and stayed an hour after my shift started and came in an hour before my shift ended to make sure I was working and not running off to hang out with friends. I'm a little worried that if he finds out that I am (potentially) dating someone he will tag along on all of our dates and just make it awkward. I understand that he is a father and he wants to protect me and whatnot, but I feel like he is over-doing it at times. It is important to note that while I am away at school, I am trying to set up counselling appointments to help me cope with my fathers actions and to help me with some of my other mental health issues. 

September 12, 2019, 10:57:15 PM
Reply #1
Offline

angelicbliss


Hi,

I am so sorry about your father! :( I know exactly how you feel with strict and overprotective parents. I hope that one day you save up enough money to move out and have your own car so your dad won't be over your shoulder much longer. But I think that you should be honest with your crush. Honesty is always the way to go (in my opinion). Find a time where you and GA may have the chance to be alone together or ask him upfront if you can talk to him privately in person (or through your real social media accounts as the real you if you aren't comfortable doing it in person) point is, you need him to know that you're the one who has a crush on him. You may never know if he feels the same back or can eventually start liking you once he gets to know you more!  :) Also, to comment on the anxiety and stress you have because of your father, I think that if you feel like you are in an unsafe place that you should get help from a counselor who may be able to refer you to a social worker that can possibly get you cheap housing so you can move away from your father. This would be if you don't have any other family members or friends that can help you out that is. I really think everyone should be happy and as you mentioned you're a college student, I believe you're old enough to have an open and honest love life without needing to fear what your father may think or do if he finds out. I really wish you the best and I hope you're able to at least tell your crush that you like him so you could get that off your chest  :)

 

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