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Author Topic: I forgave my ex for sleeping with someone when we split but he won’t forgive me

January 19, 2020, 10:27:32 AM
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Warrior1982


My ex partner left me, slept with a friend twice who offered him a place to stay.  I decided to work through it because he was single at the time.  I never went that far as having any physical contact with any man, I spoke with men on FB/IG etc (no dating sites) some asked me out & some just chatted (no sex talk). I was very honest with these men & told them I wasn’t ready etc.  I told my ex this but not all the details because it felt irrelevant & I didn’t want to upset him.  I deleted these messages before we decided to reconcile because they weren’t important to me.  He can’t get over the fact I deleted them, I didn’t tell him all the details, & is basically blaming me for not working things out.  I deleted them before he was back on the scene & I did lie to him but not to be malicious, but I feel him putting all the blame on me is unfair.  I finally admitted all of the details of these messages because he wouldn’t let it go & I have apologised for lying.  I will add that he was very jealous & insecure, suffered with ptsd & depression.  He hated me going out, wearing make up & always thought I was flirting. & accused me of cheating. He had cheated on me in the past & had messaged other girls in a sexual manner but hand on heart I was never unfaithful & loved him with all my heart.  He said he knows his worth, he can’t get over me talking to those guys, lying about all of the details, & my reason for deleting in his opinion was pathetic.  Am I being unreasonable in thinking he should forgive me & we should work through things?
Sorry for the long story & I hope it makes sense :)

January 21, 2020, 02:03:48 PM
Reply #1
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sambam4408


Hi there! I dated a man who sounds a lot like this guy! He wouldn't "let me" have any guy friends and I caught him sending flirty messages to other girls while we were together. I think men that are insecure and jealous are the ones that are more likely to be cheaters themselves. He caused me so much stress and made me feel like I wouldn't be able to find anyone better so I should try make things work with him. Eventually, I realized that I could do better, and that there were a lot much nicer guys out there. I hope that you can see that you deserve better too and this man does not treat you like a partner should. I personally know how hard it can be to walk away. It can be scary to chose to be single, and maybe you feel you need to help him since he struggles with depression. My ex would pull the I'm feeling suicidal card everytime we would fight and I was tempted to break up. You have to realize that he is not your responsibility though. Plus I'm sure you do have some feelings for this guy as well, it can be hard to say good-bye. But in the long run, I promise you will come out stronger and will definitely find someone who treats you right and makes you happy. 

January 25, 2020, 08:17:12 PM
Reply #2
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MarriedMillenial


In your past relationship your ex seemed to operate with the double standard that you have to be beyond reproach (even when you're broken up, just in case you want him back) while he can pretty much do as he pleases. That's not normal. I'm sure he otherwise has good personality traits that you're attracted to and make you want to be in a relationship with him but honestly the fact that he's holding himself to different standards than what he expects of you is a no-no. If he cannot accept that in a relationship the same faithfulness standard applies to both parties then not getting back with him is truly the best thing that can happen to you. I hope you take the time you need to focus on yourself too as this relationship must have been difficult and stressful for you.

 

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