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Author Topic: I'm very conflicted and really need help, it's really hurting my everyday life

September 25, 2019, 09:38:52 PM
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yami11


I have a history of severe  depression and anxiety issues. With that said i was in a very desperate place when i met my girlfriend. She was very into me and i was just trying to get drunk every night to  numb my self. I was suicidal and had nothing to lose even though i was not that into her i went on dates with her and we eventually became gf and bf.  She healed me in many ways, and leaving college, getting a 9-5 also helped.The problem is  due to extreme anxiety i hid myself from the world for most my life, as a result i had no dating experience going into this, i'm now way more confident in myself. That  social anxiety part is 100% gone. And i can't help but wonder if i'll regret being with the girl i'm with now, she wants to marry me, she wants me forever, she's completely in love and i without a doubt love her back but i'm not in love, if she is hurt it hurts me just as much but i never felt butterflies for her, or that in awe feeling. I can tell she has that for me.  when i see an extremely attractive girl in public every once in a while i'll feel that and then i'll get sad and feel very guilty for feeling that way.  But  my girl loves me unconditionally and honestly cares about me more then anything else in the world. I don't want to end things and then later on regret leaving it. But at the same time my physical attraction to her isn't  huge it's there but not as much as i  always hoped for in a partner, she has weight issues, and she's so insecure about it because she has had to live with it her whole life, so i never mention it.. i know this was a long post so i'll end it with one last thing,  deep down she wants to have kids a lot, but i never really considered  it, and the fact that she will be well  over 200+ pounds if she has kids and i doubt she will lose it turns me off to ever having kids with her, physical attraction is important to me in a relationship.  i never told her that's the reason, she thinks i am just afraid to have kids, I honestly don't care to have them but that's the main reason. She told me if she has to choose she chooses me, and idk if that's fair to her and i  feel so much guilt, any advice please. we have basically spent every free moment together for 3 years,  and she is my only and best friend.  i think about this all day every day at work  and it's killing me. Sometimes i think just break this off  and end this suffering, and other times i'm like are you crazy, you'll never find love like this again and she's your best friend, you can't hurt her like that

October 02, 2019, 10:18:03 PM
Reply #1
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Devially


With this... I would say to do what you want to do. Yes that is vague, but let me explain. You only live one life. Think about this for me... do you want to spend this one life with this one woman, or do you want someone else that can fill the gap in your heart? What is it that YOU want to do with your love life? If it’s breaking it off with this woman, then so be it. Yes, it’ll be heartbreaking, but sadness is part of what makes us human. Your only concern should be making sure you’re happy with your life and yourself. I’m sorry if this didn’t help but... I tried

 

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