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Author Topic: I'm tired of being pushed by boyfriend and daughter - what do i do?

January 21, 2019, 05:28:20 PM
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dilemma400


My bf and I have been together for almost 6 years. It has generally been a wonderful relationship but we’ve had our challenges and brief breakups. Among the challenges is his financial situation. As of now, he is in a much better financial condition than the other years because I helped him budget and his friend gave him a job. He’s more careful about what he spends to make sure that he does not overspend on his credit card. However the reality is that between work and Social Security he just about breaks even on bills including his rent. He has been pressuring me to live with him and move in my home and I am very concerned that the precarious financial situation he could be in could haunt me. He has very little saved for retirement or rainy day fund so this could become part of my problem. However he is very loving and caring for me and my children and has many other qualities.

My daughter lives out of town and she does not care for him at all because she really feels he is so wrong for me given his misrepresentations about his finances in the past but more so because he is in a weak financial position . I am in a much different position since I have worked and saved money all my life and been very cautious about spending so I am looking forward to a comfortable retirement however I don’t have enough for both of us.

My daughter really wants nothing to do with him and she does live out of town and it’s sort of doable so I don’t really bring him up to her when he’s over.

I recently had surgery and he’s been over a few times to help me and I’m still recovering but last night he yelled at me after I got off the phone with my daughter because I did not tell her he was over helping me and making me dinner etc. I told him I really was not up to arguing about it which I wasn’t and it seemed that he felt a little bad about yelling at me given that my health condition was impaired but he never really apologized. I want to add that my boyfriend was also aware that last week was the 7th anniversary of my late husbands death from cancer and I have to go take a test this week for precancerous tissue which he will go with me for. Needless to say I’m not emotionally strong right now. I find it disturbing he can only think of himself but then he is so loving and caring. Do I run from him or just grin and bear it since no one is perfect and somehow deal with my daughter?

January 22, 2019, 07:28:37 PM
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SarahLancaster


Wow.  You are in a very unpleasant position.

My best advice is to NOT let him move in with you.  You've worked hard for your retirement, and it's not your fault that he hasn't saved up enough for his retirement years.  He's simply wanting you to support him.  Your daughter's opinion of him is valid.

I understand that he gives you emotional support and takes care of you sometimes, but I don't think that's enough if he hasn't been smart enough to handle his own finances.  I think it would be a disaster if you let him move in.

Maybe you need to start thinking about whether or not he's good for you at this point.  Surely you could find someone who is financially stable.
"But the rain is full of ghosts tonight, that tap upon the glass and listen for reply."

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

January 23, 2019, 12:53:53 PM
Reply #2
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missg


Wow.  You are in a very unpleasant position.

My best advice is to NOT let him move in with you.  You've worked hard for your retirement, and it's not your fault that he hasn't saved up enough for his retirement years.  He's simply wanting you to support him.  Your daughter's opinion of him is valid.

I understand that he gives you emotional support and takes care of you sometimes, but I don't think that's enough if he hasn't been smart enough to handle his own finances.  I think it would be a disaster if you let him move in.

Maybe you need to start thinking about whether or not he's good for you at this point.  Surely you could find someone who is financially stable.

Good response @SarahLancaster - I have +1 repped you. :)

It sounds like you have been going through such a rough ride @dilemma400 - you will pull through this, stay strong, stay positive.

 

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