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Author Topic: Hygiene

January 26, 2019, 08:50:20 AM
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My bf and I closed the distance about a year ago (woo hoo).
I know one thing that's difficult to tell when you're far apart is how you'll be when you actually live together.

My apartment is small, so there's really not much we can't see each other doing. I've noticed that he seemingly almost never brushes his teeth (hes always got plaque build up and the teeth are somewhat yellow) and showers about once a week. We keep baby wipes in the bathroom and I'm lead to believe he maintains his hygiene that way until he showers again.

My apartment isn't the best, he complains that the shower temperature changes occasionally which makes it frustrating to do so. I would agree that the temperature does change but most of the time I have no issues..I also don't think that's really an excuse not to shower..

I have tried to bring this up to him on maybe 2 occasions as it's affecting our sex life, I don't really have any interest to go down on him even when he does shower.

I'd like to make one last push to talk to him but I feel like it may end up in an argument because at this point because I'm so frustrated that I have to have this conversation with a grown man..

My questions are has anyone ever dealt with this issue? Did you resolve it peacefully? How?

What should I say to him so that we can try to have an understanding without fighting? He's sensitive. But im getting rather tired and resentful of this situation..i don't want it to be a small problem with long lasting effects

January 27, 2019, 07:13:13 AM
Reply #1


You say he is sensitive? Well, he obviously isnt sensitive to you having to deal with his stench or crusty teeth. Sounds to me like he is more sensitive to being offended, which I find ironic. Dont be afraid about hurting this dudes feelings, just be straight with him, the truth is always best. If he gets upset about you telling him this, imagine what will happen with more important things in your relationship? If you are co-habitating he needs to respect your space and needs as well. Back in my 20’s I lived with a few people like this, (not exactly the same situation) I always brought it to their attention, they laughed it off but eventually got the hint. A man with good hygiene is a man with self-respect, note that, then ask yourself if it is worth the conversation. As far as the shower hot and cold business, sounds like an apt building sharing a tank, totally normal. Seriously, tell the dude to clean up.

January 27, 2019, 05:10:54 PM
Reply #2


The best thing to do is be truthful with him.  Sit him down and tell him how much you care for him, but that his hygiene is a bit of a turn-off to you.  Tell him that if he doesn't take better care of his teeth, then he'll get gum disease. 

Maybe invite him into the shower with you every night and have a scrub-in.
"But the rain is full of ghosts tonight, that tap upon the glass and listen for reply."

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

January 31, 2019, 01:35:18 PM
Reply #3


Yeah, I think honesty here is the best way to go.

February 02, 2019, 08:26:39 AM
Reply #4


There is absolutely no excuse for a lack of personal hygiene.i actually feel he is being abit disrespectful to you by expecting him to want you to go near him.doesnt he worry you may be able to smell what must be awful breath?
By all means talk to him and always try all you can but he should respect what your saying and make an effort x

February 25, 2019, 05:43:03 AM
Reply #5


Find yourself another man if he can't maintain his hygiene he has a lot to learn and I'm sure your not trying to teach him like a child or hold his hand nor should you need to.


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