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Author Topic: How would you feel if you were me

March 04, 2019, 09:24:02 PM
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Yoshia


Hello,

I am married with two children. My husband is very close with his parents, although he does his best to 'let go' of them. The relationship between me and his parents is rather bad.

Recently we had a conversation about sterilisation (of my husband) as anticonception. After getting informed during a doctor's appointment, he decided he wanted to do it.
He told his parents and they strongly objected (saying me or one of the kids could die or we could get divorced and he could get himself a younger wife who would still want kids. When that didn't work, they tried to scare him by saying that he could get prostate cancer from the surgery).
He told me they objected, but afterwards he started to act funny. The day before surgery, his mother called but he refused to pick up. He told me a story so he did not have to call her back in my pressence.
He had the surgery performed and constantly held his phone close to him that day (while he wouldn't do this otherwise).
So at night, I found his phone charging and looked through it.
Turned out his mother had called multiple times the day before the surgery and the story he had told me was a lie. The day of the surgery, his parents texted him they were very pleased with the trust he had placed in them.
The morning after, I asked him what was going on. Turned out he had lied to his parents and had told them he had cancelled the surgery.

I felt upset because of this, because:
My in-laws have the guts to interfere with things that really are none their business (it is my husband his body and he should decide what to do or not to do with it)
My husband didn't have sufficient self-respect to be honest with his parents
My husband disrespected me by lying to me

My mother says I should be glad my husband went through with the surgery and that I should not get worked up about it

How would you feel / react?

March 07, 2019, 12:33:43 AM
Reply #1
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dfin29


I would have felt bad that he lied to me..but would have been more upset if he listened to his parents.That is btw you and him and his parents should not interfere..on the other hand..he should not of even mentioned it to his parents and if so be able to stand up to them in a respectable way.

March 07, 2019, 12:17:44 PM
Reply #2
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ChelsieR


I completely understand what you're going through. My mother-in-law is always butting into our relationship. I have children with my man like you do. I reminded him that I am the mother of his children and he needs to start having my back and step up to his mother. Now, sometimes if he doesn't want advice or input from her, he tells her that first. Such as: Mom, I don't need to know what you think or need any advice, but I just want/need to tell you that (blah blah blah). He started to slowly not answer her calls or text as quickly as he used to. He started doing this stuff about 2 months ago, but so far it seems to be working because she doesn't call as much and doesn't ask so many questions anymore. Maybe she's taking the hint? Maybe this could work for you too?
Also, I disagree with his decision to lie to you. I understand that he was more than likely extremely nervous, but he should have just told you. And I sort of agree with your mom about not getting worked up about it, however, you should still address it with him. He needs to know that it really hurt you, so that way he's aware of it and hopefully won't repeat it. Maybe during coffee in the morning with him (its when i talk to my hubby), bring it up calmly and start by saying that you're not trying to argue, but need him to know that you're upset. Hope it helps. If not, just know you're not alone! In-laws can be a real pain in the ass. He just needs to step up.

 

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