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Author Topic: How to trust again

September 05, 2019, 07:11:10 PM
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Clortiz24


 About 2 years ago I reconnected with my high school sweetheart. We were living in different states but always talked and visited each other. It wasn’t long after that we fell in love and agreed that we both wanted to commit ourselves to each other. We constantly had the “trust talk” and he asked me to move in with him. Everything seemed to be perfect and We were blissfully happy. Shortly after he asked me to marry him. A few months after we got married I found out that all wasn’t  what it seemed. Turns out that the whole time that we were together before I moved down, he was talking to his ex’s, sexting different women online, was on hookup sites and was texting multiple women for sex. He swore to me that he never actually hooked up with anyone but was just lonely and wanted attention because I wasn’t here yet. He apologized and it took months for us to try to get past it, but the trust was broken. I tried to forgive him and move on but it seemed impossible. He changed everything he did so that I would trust him but there was always this doubt in my mind. Shorty after I got pregnant. He refused to touch me during my pregnancy  because he was scared of hurting the baby. 🙄 to say our marriage was strained is a understatement. I caught him watching porn multiple times and tried explaining to him why it hurt me. He thought I was just being emotional and ridiculous. Jump to now, after I had the baby, he still gets off on porn more then he touches me, constantly looking at naked women online and following them on instagram.

I’m at a loss here. I know it’s normal for men to watch porn and to look at women. But I’m terrified that he’s talking to these women. I don’t know if my anxiety from this is due to the hurt that he’s already caused and I’m being over paranoid. Or if I’m in the right to be upset. He doesn’t seem to under why this bothers me so much and he hasn’t stopped even though I’ve asked him to. I don’t know what to do anymore. I love him but I’m terrified of being hurt again. How do I trust him completely?

September 09, 2019, 08:29:32 AM
Reply #1
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winnnyy


im in a similar situation, i found him talking to girls and flirting with them. He too told me it was nothing and it was just a confident booster for him. It broke the trust and now find it hard to rebuild it, i will be staying tuned with this thread.

many thanks

September 11, 2019, 07:42:01 AM
Reply #2
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qwertyscream


I had a girlfriend text all of her ex's and ended up on dating sites while we were in a relationship. I found her sending video clips, voice clips and pictures to various men she'd never even met. She said to me "it's not cheating", but at any point, if you have to hide your phone and keep things from someone, even if it's a simple as texts, then there is dishonesty and it is indeed cheating.

I was stupid enough to continue the relationship for another 3 years, but it all ended badly.

I don't know what advice to give you specifically other than to talk to him. I don't watch porn anymore because my girlfriend told me she didn't like it and you'd hope that everyone is like that, but sometimes a vice is a vice as it is a step out of reality, and you may have to accept that one. On the texting other women front, nip that in the bud straight away. It's not to say that he can't have girl mates, because if you ask him to stop that, thats like telling you never to communicate with your guy mates because you're gonna jump their bones all the time. Men can handle themselves too. I advise not to be too restrictive there, but on the ex front, nip it. Just tell him stop or you're walking.

Threats sometimes work, but when you place one, stand strong and don't back down from it. You may even have to walk, but he'll text you to come back.

November 18, 2019, 09:24:59 PM
Reply #3
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surfmom68


Have you tried suggesting counseling?  It sounds like he has some issues he needs to work through.  Don't give up, things could work themselves out.

 

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