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Author Topic: How to tell if one is needy or the other is selfish?

September 20, 2019, 05:13:56 AM
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Confused giraffe


Hey guys ,I'm new here. I hope you're all well!

I'm just looking for some opinions and possibly solution suggestions!

So I've been dating my guy for over a year. There have been ups and downs due to his lack of communication but he's been working on it. So that's good.

A thing that has recently starting to get to me is the way he can make me feel unimportant. I do not know if this is because I'm being needy or that he is being selfish/ignorant or. . . Something else.

Here's a bit of the back story.
Relationship with my ex's,we would message as and when, have the odd phone call, I hated talking on the phone. It wasn't a constant thing.

So since this current guy it has been loads of messages and always phone calls that can last from 10 minutes to hours. Sometimes a few short phone calls in one day.
For these calls ,I most times go out of my way to recieve or make them. Example, early morning, I have a sleep disorder so should sleep after the school run before work, but I know for the last couple of weeks that some days he's sat outside work bored for 2 hours, so I will sit on the phone to him for a bit so he's not completely bored.  If I'm cozy In bed at night watching a movie, I'll get up out of bed and go sit in the kitchen with a cuppa to talk to him when he wants a call. I'll always find at least one moment in a busy day to message or call him. I've been at a friend's before now and taken a half hour call from him going on about something he hadn't even bought yet.

What's happened recently is . He was moving house a couple of weeks ago, I didn't hear from him for the entire day, Yet when I called him, the phone didn't even ring Twice before he answered.
The reason this "upset me" so to speak ,is because I would of Found time in that mega busy day,no matter what ,to contact him at some point. I do understand he was extremely busy with a lot going on, but. ,again. . .I would of done it for him. Friends agreed they would of done the same for their partner.
When I pointed this out his reply was "but I'm not them am I?"
Then last night he went to see his mates, I have zero problem with that ,especially as he's not seen them for a while.
So when I asked about a phone call later on, he said no. (He was too busy). Just so happened I wanted to do as he does, off load about work but there Was something that happened I wanted to talk to him/Some One/anyone about. So when I told him today I had wanted to talk about something, he said I should of told him it was important and he would of made time.
Now, am I being silly in thinking that I should be important enough to not have to point out it's important to have the call. Am I stupid for making time for him to off load about work and his day,even if it drags me out of a nice comfy warm bed to a cold kitchen.

Am I silly for judging him by my own standards and expecting him to do for me as I do for him,am I expecting too much,or is he actually being selfish? Do I need to stop being so frequent at replying to his messages and not taking all of his calls? Do I need to give my head a wobble and get over it?
I think because the relationship was neglected for about 2 months from his side is why this is now an issue to me,Because he was "too busy". It's hard to explain those two months with out lots of detail but I barely saw him and I expressed more than once that I was unhappy and felt like I had gone from his first priority to tenth after his last. 

I don't "need" the calls or messages but he has Got me used to them being so frequent. So when I want them and they're not there, it does kinda upset me and make me feel unimportant.

There's a couple of other times this has happened but as I've already written a lot, I just used to two most recent examples.

Thank you in advance for any replies!

Just wanna know if I'm starting to lose the plot or if I could be doing better lol

 

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