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Author Topic: How should I carry on from here? Relationship advice needed desperately.

February 26, 2020, 01:50:59 AM
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kayloi


I have a female friend of 18 years. We began to develop feelings for each other last year. She confessed her feeling for me however she doesn't want to commit into a relationship for fear of losing the friendship. We decided to try and work towards the goal of being a couple.

During the past few months, we had happy moments and lots of arguments over little things. We talked about giving up and continue being best friends on a few occasions. Eventually, she will always regret her decisions and agree to try again.

The most recent night felt different - we both talked about how the feelings might have changed. She blamed me for not being sensitive towards her feelings. I was tired from her lack of expression for e.g. she can’t even say that she miss me even though she is. We agreed to give up and told her to restrain our actions and behavior from now on as it were when we were just friends. I decided to move overseas and start a new life too.

However, she told me she could not bear the thought of losing me and want me to be with her. She is also reluctant to reduce the meetups and texts to how we used to. The entire night, we were hugging each other and she was crying for fear of losing me. She kept emphasizing on how important I am to her and the pain of losing me is excruciating to her.

I realized I still love her on that night and asked if we could try for the last time. She rejected as her feelings for me wasn’t as strong as it used to be and say that she doesn't want her decision to tie me down also. Eventually, she told me that she need some time to reconsider. We are currently having a cool off period and thinking things through.

Guys, please give me some advises. I can’t understand why she loves me and yet is unable to take a step further. I am unsure of what she wants and how we should carry on from here.

April 03, 2020, 01:07:49 AM
Reply #1
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Pj_1209


I’d say during the cool off period, go no contact. Make it known that you both have already gone farther than just being friends. There is no going back. She, in my opinion, is looking at all the bad that is happening. After going no contact for a while, help her see the good in your relationship as a couple and not only limited to friends. Just spit ballin.

April 05, 2020, 10:30:16 AM
Reply #2
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Jef


I think that it's best to say until the cool off period is over. Maybe she'll make her mind up by then. If she doesn't, even if it hurts, I'd stop investing in this relationship and focus on doing things that make you happy and look after yourself.

May 31, 2020, 06:28:44 PM
Reply #3
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kocainviser



 

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