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Author Topic: Give him space?

March 31, 2019, 01:30:50 AM
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cheyxie


Hi everyone, my boyfriend and I have officially been together for 11 months, almost making a year this month. Tonight, he told me, “I don’t know how long I can hold on anymore.” I asked him what he meant and he told me, “idk.” I then asked him “how do you feel about me?” he said “idk tbh.” After that I decided to call him and discuss, he told me prior that he has had months of not knowing what things to talk about with him and so he decided to tell me today. I’m not sure what to do because I ask him “do you still like/love, me?” and he tells me he still likes me but 10 mins ago he said he doesnt know how he feels? He proceeds to think pessissmisicslly about our future, how if we ever did long distance, he doesn’t think I’m able to do it and also that if he trusts me fully, he’s scared he’ll regret it. Note: his ex broke his trust and broke up with him once when he was on a week vacation and he got back together with her second time because it was hsi first relationship.

I suggested to give him space but he says it’s a waste of time, I’m not sure what to do because I don’t want to get hurt even more by getting more attached to him. He’s been confused this morning so Idk if that’s a sign he’s lost interest in me now even though he says he still likes me. :/

March 31, 2019, 01:58:59 PM
Reply #1
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LostInTheWoods


I think a question you may want to spend some serious time considering is what do YOU want from this relationship, and are you getting it?

Let's assume he's telling you the truth in all instances here. He does like you, but he's not sure about his feelings beyond that and he's afraid to trust you. He doesn't know where he wants the relationship to go and he's not confident that things will work out.

Are you okay with being in that kind of relationship? You're getting something out of it or else you would have left him. What is it that you're getting? Be honest with yourself about it and things should start coming into focus. It sounds like you're fairly young, so it may be difficult, but really try to understand what you're doing and separating that from what he's doing. You seem to be operating on the assumption here that you're required to cater to what he wants. Maybe what he wants isn't good for either of you. It really sounds like he doesn't even know what he wants! That's okay. Sometimes people are in confusing situations. Maybe he's been damaged and he needs all kinds of patience and special attention to recover. Maybe he's clinically depressed and needs therapy. The thing is, are you okay with that? 11 months is a long time to linger on a previous relationship. What are you getting from this that makes it worthwhile for you to tolerate that? Is it really worth it?

Clearly you're unhappy with the way things are at the moment. If you have to ask him whether or not he still loves you then something is going very wrong. You need to decide where you want things to go and whether or not you can get them there. You also need to think about how far you're willing to go for a guy who you have to ask these kinds of questions to.

If you can really get a clear picture of what you want from the relationship then you can start having deeply honest conversations with him about it. Maybe if you introduce some clarity it will help him figure out how he really feels and realize what he really wants and things will work out. It's impossible to say. There's no "right" answer here. Every relationship is something unique that's built between two people. You have to do your best in good faith and see what happens.

Best of luck to you.

 

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