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Author Topic: Girlfriend won't talk about problems and I'm not sure I can handle it

October 15, 2019, 02:45:15 AM
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Hey, first post here. Hoping to get some insight, maybe someone recognizes my situation.

So, I've been dating my girlfriend for probably 4 months or so now. We live quite far from eachother so since I work from home, for the moment I'm living at her place with my computer.

Things have been going pretty good - we have alot in common, we're both very introverted and so we mostly stay at home and watch movies, play games, etc. We get along really well, as long as we're both in a good mood. My problem is when one of us has a bad day, as we all do sometimes.

Basically she has days where she's just in a bad mood. She'll come home from work and avoid me, she'll want to be alone in the kitchen or at the pc, and she'll tell me to go away when I offer to help or ask what the problem is. So I give her space. Sometimes at night when I come to bed she'll just plug in headphones and turn away from me, so I feel like I've done something. But again, she won't tell me what's wrong.

For the past 1-2 weeks this has been happening more and more frequently, and she refuses to tell me what the problem is. At first I was very honest and said that I get very anxious feeling like I've done something wrong, and that I'd really like to talk about what's wrong. Usually she'll let me talk but it turns into a monologue where she just doesn't say anything, at this point I stopped pushing it and just let her calm down on her own.

Anyway, that's the situation. But the confusing part is she can act that way one day, only to wake up the next day and act as if everything's fine and dandy. Some days she'll switch from a bad mood to "everything's fine" in a few hours. But I can't get over it that easily, I've had pretty bad anxiety for most of my life and I feel like if she can't talk to me about these things I'm not sure this relationship is good for me.. as it stands I'm having the worst anxiety I've had in years, with occasional depression even, and I'm scared it'll get worse.

My main question now is, should I keep trying (waiting) to see if she comes around and starts communicating with me? Or is this one of those cases where "enough is enough" and I should just break up?

Don't get me wrong, I love her and she loves me, but some days I'm just not so sure.

October 15, 2019, 06:16:14 PM
Reply #1


Talk with her about how you feel, and in a relationship you need to talk with eachother to make it last. If you guys love eachother a lot. Don´t give up!

October 16, 2019, 12:57:13 AM
Reply #2


I would say start with anything you know she has expressed as being a problem in the past. This sounds like the silent treatment. Often that is a response to feeling like you have already been made aware something is a problem but the problem has repeated itself. If you cannot think of something you have violated.sadly sometimes this behavior is reaction to belief you should just know what’s wrong.  Try to pay attention closely to what happened right before her mood has shifted. Can you single out anything that just happened that could upset her?  If nothing tips you off there. Look around your home. Have you pulled equal weight on your chores? Do your belongings overwhelm the space? Do you tend to control the remote or events of the day. Is she a sexual person? Do you find her wanting sex more then you and if so are you leaving her to make the moves or turning her down routinely. I cannot tell based on what you’ve said if this is a call it quits situation. Sometimes this behavior happens because someone doesn’t know how to confront what upsets them or they feel like they have already explained it before. The problem could even just be needing space when feeling depressed. So if she isn’t willing to communicate observing what seems to set her off might be the best you can do at times. And a big key factor is when she admits what’s wrong you need to avoid defensiveness and show a willingness to understand why it’s a problem for her. On one end she might be done but on the other end she might love you very much but not have the confidence to communicate her problems. It’s very hard to say.

October 16, 2019, 02:48:26 PM
Reply #3


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