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Author Topic: Friends with Benefits...

January 13, 2020, 02:24:23 PM
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NeedAdvice


Hi,

I have been diagnosed with moderate to severe anxiety and depression (since around 10 years ago) and I am currently on 100MG sertraline a day (having been on other meds previously). The reason I say this is to let you know I worry a LOT and overthink almost everything. I don’t know where else to really ask for advice so here goes.

I have basically been in talks with someone online through a dating app, then WhatsApp. We have decided to try out a friends with benefits situation.

However, instead of thinking “this will be a fun new experience”, I’m straight away going to the worst possible situation - “what if I get feelings? What if I want to enter a relationship and she doesn’t? What if this just ends badly?”. I catastrophize a LOT and I know I can be irrational, but the fear and panic always tends to win and I’ll put off going out of my comfort zone or taking any risks in life.

I’ve never had an experience like this, so I’m worried things will go wrong. I don’t want a relationship and we both agreed it’ll be no strings attached fun, yet I STILL worry I’ll get feelings and want to pursue a relationship. OR she will get feelings and emotions towards me, and I will have to let her down because I don't feel the same way. It’s so hard to explain...

I have a history of not taking risks, not leaving my comfort zone, and not “living” or “experiencing” life.

What can I do to get over this and just go with the flow, regardless of a good or bad outcome?

Any advice and help would be massively appreciated.

January 14, 2020, 02:18:31 PM
Reply #1
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Tony


You can take it and see how it goes and that’s all you can do. She may develop feelings, you may develop feelings, or you both may, or not but you will never know unless you go through with it. Just play safe

January 14, 2020, 03:32:31 PM
Reply #2
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H_tee75@yahoo.com


I say take it slow.  Think of it as a friend thar you're going to go hang with.  Take your time no rush.  I know what you go through bc I used to be the same way.  I just decided one night that, only i can make myself happy.  People can make us happier or miserable.  If they make you feel good inside, then ask to go out again.  Or to come.over and watch a movie.  You can do it!!

February 07, 2020, 04:16:08 PM
Reply #3
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DoubleDrake


If you don't want a relationship with this person, don't do it! We all fantasize about a friends with benefit situation, but the reality of it is that it's not what it seems. It can only end badly or at best, weird. There's a reason a relationship starts and sex comes after. There is emotional damage that can be done whether you realize it or not. If anything else, it demoralizes sex for you in the future. It should mean something special, and be shared with someone special. Period.

 

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