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Author Topic: Dissolving in love

June 11, 2019, 04:17:07 AM
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Constantly my mind thinks of her. Thoughts about her feel so endless. This constant thought loop of her existence creates a void within me. In this void I forget what I stand for, what I identify with, and most importantly who I am. But yet what still remands is love. So much love that I leave none for myself. I love her even when it makes me feel lesser than. And I’m ok with it. It’s seem like a fine line between love and worship. I still struggle with determining what it is exactly. Is it necessarily bad to love a person in this way? Or is this just what happens when you put your all into something. 

She doesn’t want to dissolve herself into my existence like I have dissolved my being into hers. I don’t blame her. I never wanted to dissolve myself into hers, unfortunately it’s just in my nature to love to this extent. But this love hurts so much. It keeps a strong mental hold on your brain when this way of love is only expressed through one person in the relationship.

This is just from personal experience but when you’re the only person that loves this way you question everything in regards to how your partner feels about you. I know she loves me. I really do. But I know she doesn’t love me how I want to be loved and this unfortunately makes my mind wonder, and experience sensations of uneasy.

But when you take me out of the picture, the way she loves is objectively beautiful. Her love has no boundaries. It doesn’t conform to societal norms. It’s free and excepting, and sees past gender.
Shes able to love more than one person and allow them to do same while maintaining and managing her jealousy. She’s completely free. It’s quite poetic.

I also have this capability but I don’t think I can match the extent that she’s able to love in this manner. I personally can’t handle the energies of multiple people....
Idk. I question if it’s still hints of programming from societies standards for love between woman and a man, or if I truly feel this way.

Idk... I’m just afraid of the nature of her love. Its the fact that she doesn’t mind sharing her love with all.

looking at it from another perspective am I selfish for only wanting to love her, and not wanting to share it with others? Am romanticizing love by loving exclusively?

Im just unable to understand. Or is it something thats not understandable and just needs to be accepted?


June 30, 2019, 04:33:41 AM
Reply #1


Just love her back, how loves is not a reflection of how you love. She needs some love back from the universe and you have it, so give it.


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