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Author Topic: Did I truly "Friendzone" him or was it just the right thing to do?

November 17, 2018, 01:15:41 AM
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PrettyLittleFears


The guy and I are both 20 years old.

Okay, so the guy and I met last year in December before New Year of 2018. After that, we'd casually talk and sit next to each other in our school campus. He was my first kiss and the first physical intimacy I've ever had with a guy(not  sexual intercourse, just making out) Fast forward to now, the guy has practically made it VERY CLEAR that he's still attracted to me physically, sexually, & romantically, even though I thought things wouldn't have worked out. All throughout our summer break, I assumed things were done between us because he'd always distant himself from me but now he really wants to be with me. The feelings are very mutual in this situation because I've also wanted to be his girlfriend but the ONLY problem is that I'm EXTREMELY insecure with myself & my body. Yes, that's not the main point of a relationship but its gotten to the point where I don't want to give all of myself to him if I don't even love myself from the inside out.

He told me that he's not bothered by it because he feels like he can kind of help me get over my insecurities because he sees me as a beautiful girl but I don't see this myself. I have a slim athletic body(slim hips, small breasts, slender elongated legs) and I hate it. I also have a young baby face and I don't feel sexy. Him on the other hand, he stays calling me cute and sexy on a daily basis and it always feels insincere because there are so many other beautiful girls out there that I feel he could be better with and not with me.

So, I expressed these feelings to him about not wanting to date or be in a relationship as of right now because I'm not 100% ready to give myself to him until I get my self-esteem and poor body-image together. Now, he's started to ignore my calls, texts, and when he does reply, he seems mad or irritated. I still like this guy very much but he feels like I'm rejecting him and putting him in the friend zone and I'm not. I wouldn't even use those two words because its not what I felt or wanted intentionally. I just  find it hard to believe that he wants me to be his girlfriend, even when I feel like complete shit about myself. I surely do want to be his S.O. but I'm not in an emotionally good place at the moment.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2018, 01:18:23 AM by PrettyLittleFears »

November 20, 2018, 07:13:08 PM
Reply #1
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missg


The guy and I are both 20 years old.

Okay, so the guy and I met last year in December before New Year of 2018. After that, we'd casually talk and sit next to each other in our school campus. He was my first kiss and the first physical intimacy I've ever had with a guy(not  sexual intercourse, just making out) Fast forward to now, the guy has practically made it VERY CLEAR that he's still attracted to me physically, sexually, & romantically, even though I thought things wouldn't have worked out. All throughout our summer break, I assumed things were done between us because he'd always distant himself from me but now he really wants to be with me. The feelings are very mutual in this situation because I've also wanted to be his girlfriend but the ONLY problem is that I'm EXTREMELY insecure with myself & my body. Yes, that's not the main point of a relationship but its gotten to the point where I don't want to give all of myself to him if I don't even love myself from the inside out.

He told me that he's not bothered by it because he feels like he can kind of help me get over my insecurities because he sees me as a beautiful girl but I don't see this myself. I have a slim athletic body(slim hips, small breasts, slender elongated legs) and I hate it. I also have a young baby face and I don't feel sexy. Him on the other hand, he stays calling me cute and sexy on a daily basis and it always feels insincere because there are so many other beautiful girls out there that I feel he could be better with and not with me.

So, I expressed these feelings to him about not wanting to date or be in a relationship as of right now because I'm not 100% ready to give myself to him until I get my self-esteem and poor body-image together. Now, he's started to ignore my calls, texts, and when he does reply, he seems mad or irritated. I still like this guy very much but he feels like I'm rejecting him and putting him in the friend zone and I'm not. I wouldn't even use those two words because its not what I felt or wanted intentionally. I just  find it hard to believe that he wants me to be his girlfriend, even when I feel like complete shit about myself. I surely do want to be his S.O. but I'm not in an emotionally good place at the moment.
i think guys are put off when a girl says that she's not willing to engage in a relationship and to give themselves 100%.

he probably did think that he friend zoned you, and the sad thing is it that he's probably trying to now move on and speak to other people.

don't force yourself into any commitment with someone, take your time, if he doesn't want to wait, screw him xx

November 23, 2018, 03:36:34 AM
Reply #2
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Kylian8675


I completely agree w missg, given guys are very insecure.

December 26, 2018, 02:10:14 AM
Reply #3
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Esthrala


Friendzoning someone is not a bad thing. If that's what you feel is better, then go with it.

But it's just a little sad for me because the guy obviously wants to know you better and help you get out of your shell. 

But of course it's all up to you. If you let him in and get into a relationship, he might, or might not succeed in helping you. It's either you might feel too pressured, he might get tired, or in a bright side, he might actually get into your walls with you letting him. There is no sure path to it.

My advice is you should figure out first if you're ready enough. Don't force it because it's not just you who might suffer, him too. Just hope that he's still there (if he really likes you) when you're ready.

Esthrala🤓

December 29, 2018, 09:24:28 AM
Reply #4
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Rathiel


If the guy is sincere about wanting to help you and supporting you through what you're going thru, then he should have taken your word for it that you weren't ready yet. While it might take a while for him to get around thinking about it, caring for someone can mean being patient.

'Friendzoning' someone is often less about ambiguity and more about the other party misinterpreting, or choosing to misinterpret, innocuous actions. Don't worry about it, and listen to your own feelings first.

Maybe he'll come around and understand where you're coming from. Love waits, as I've come to find.  But for now, take care of yourself first. Your mental well-being shouldn't take a backseat to a new relationship.

 

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