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Author Topic: DEEP LOVE... actually in love with someone I can't have.

November 19, 2018, 05:00:03 AM
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Gentle Sponge


Hello! To start off, I am 18, and the guy I'm in love with is 26. To make it worse, he is my former teacher. My dilemma? I'm hopelessly in love with him. Now based on the title, I really want to emphasize that this isn't some teenage crush or lust driven infatuation, I am intrigued by his entire personality and being. Now this may sound slightly obsessive, but it's important that anyone willing to give advice knows that I understand the difference between a crush, love, infatuation, lust, and obsession.
This man, lets call him L, is my former high school choir teacher. I, being in the three advanced choirs, saw him ALOT. I had two periods of choir, then two periods of student aid in the choir room, and then Monday night rehearsals, not to mention all of the trips that my choir and I took with him to competitions and concerts. That being said, I saw him for hours on end every single day for two years. (and two years before but not nearly as much) He was/is young, vibrant, funny, caring, and passionate about the same field that I am now majoring in (music). I think it only makes sense we would grow at least somewhat close in the time we saw each other, and that we did, talking a lot in his office with the other teacher or students. We have each others numbers and text from time to time. He even called me one time just to ask me if I was okay, as he knows I suffer from Major Depression and Anxiety disorders.
I have found that over the last year, (my senior year of high school and first year of college) that I have grown to love him more and more. He is an inspiration to me in my choral studies, piano, and life. He has always been extremely encouraging. I could go on and on about his personality and cute quirks and lovely smile, but I'm hoping thats implied so as to save space on this blog post.
I texted him recently about a test I had taken and he answered, giving me just the best feeling as usual, but it also made me miss him more. I miss him everyday and I think about him nonstop, I don't even fantasize about sex with him or anything purely physical, I just love him for all of him and want to get to know him more. Of course, him being my former teacher would never consider crossing that social boundary to pursue a relationship with me, but to me, age is just a number, I mean, one of my best friends is 15 and the other is 34. If two people click then so be it, but I don't know if I should tell him. It would most likely just ruin our friendship and make him avoid me. He would probably never reciprocate my feelings, and I don't want to rink anything. But the other side of me is dying inside, clawing at the surface. I long to just let it out and tell him everything- how I feel, how long I've felt this way, why I love him, how great he really is (he also has anxiety). But I know it is extremely risky.
WHAT CAN I DO? Should I tell him to stop this anxiety eating me up each and every day? Or should I keep it to myself and not risk the small, yet endearing friendship we actually have. Please reply, I know this is long, but anything is appreciated.
Thanks
-Gentle Sponge
« Last Edit: November 19, 2018, 05:02:52 AM by Gentle Sponge »

November 19, 2018, 01:08:24 PM
Reply #1

missg


Hello! To start off, I am 18, and the guy I'm in love with is 26. To make it worse, he is my former teacher. My dilemma? I'm hopelessly in love with him. Now based on the title, I really want to emphasize that this isn't some teenage crush or lust driven infatuation, I am intrigued by his entire personality and being. Now this may sound slightly obsessive, but it's important that anyone willing to give advice knows that I understand the difference between a crush, love, infatuation, lust, and obsession.
This man, lets call him L, is my former high school choir teacher. I, being in the three advanced choirs, saw him ALOT. I had two periods of choir, then two periods of student aid in the choir room, and then Monday night rehearsals, not to mention all of the trips that my choir and I took with him to competitions and concerts. That being said, I saw him for hours on end every single day for two years. (and two years before but not nearly as much) He was/is young, vibrant, funny, caring, and passionate about the same field that I am now majoring in (music). I think it only makes sense we would grow at least somewhat close in the time we saw each other, and that we did, talking a lot in his office with the other teacher or students. We have each others numbers and text from time to time. He even called me one time just to ask me if I was okay, as he knows I suffer from Major Depression and Anxiety disorders.
I have found that over the last year, (my senior year of high school and first year of college) that I have grown to love him more and more. He is an inspiration to me in my choral studies, piano, and life. He has always been extremely encouraging. I could go on and on about his personality and cute quirks and lovely smile, but I'm hoping thats implied so as to save space on this blog post.
I texted him recently about a test I had taken and he answered, giving me just the best feeling as usual, but it also made me miss him more. I miss him everyday and I think about him nonstop, I don't even fantasize about sex with him or anything purely physical, I just love him for all of him and want to get to know him more. Of course, him being my former teacher would never consider crossing that social boundary to pursue a relationship with me, but to me, age is just a number, I mean, one of my best friends is 15 and the other is 34. If two people click then so be it, but I don't know if I should tell him. It would most likely just ruin our friendship and make him avoid me. He would probably never reciprocate my feelings, and I don't want to rink anything. But the other side of me is dying inside, clawing at the surface. I long to just let it out and tell him everything- how I feel, how long I've felt this way, why I love him, how great he really is (he also has anxiety). But I know it is extremely risky.
WHAT CAN I DO? Should I tell him to stop this anxiety eating me up each and every day? Or should I keep it to myself and not risk the small, yet endearing friendship we actually have. Please reply, I know this is long, but anything is appreciated.
Thanks
-Gentle Sponge

18 and 26 isn't to bad, however, you mentioned that one of your friends is dating a 34 year old when their 15. This is border line pedophilia, especially if he's having sex with her. That's a very big red alarm and not normal for any person that age to date a 15 year old!

 :o

November 20, 2018, 04:25:24 AM
Reply #2

Gentle Sponge


I said one of my best friends is 15 and one of my other best friends is 34, theyre not dating.

November 20, 2018, 01:52:30 PM
Reply #3

jessicaskype




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November 20, 2018, 05:08:02 PM
Reply #4

sandythecat


Hello! To start off, I am 18, and the guy I'm in love with is 26. To make it worse, he is my former teacher. My dilemma? I'm hopelessly in love with him. Now based on the title, I really want to emphasize that this isn't some teenage crush or lust driven infatuation, I am intrigued by his entire personality and being. Now this may sound slightly obsessive, but it's important that anyone willing to give advice knows that I understand the difference between a crush, love, infatuation, lust, and obsession.
This man, lets call him L, is my former high school choir teacher. I, being in the three advanced choirs, saw him ALOT. I had two periods of choir, then two periods of student aid in the choir room, and then Monday night rehearsals, not to mention all of the trips that my choir and I took with him to competitions and concerts. That being said, I saw him for hours on end every single day for two years. (and two years before but not nearly as much) He was/is young, vibrant, funny, caring, and passionate about the same field that I am now majoring in (music). I think it only makes sense we would grow at least somewhat close in the time we saw each other, and that we did, talking a lot in his office with the other teacher or students. We have each others numbers and text from time to time. He even called me one time just to ask me if I was okay, as he knows I suffer from Major Depression and Anxiety disorders.
I have found that over the last year, (my senior year of high school and first year of college) that I have grown to love him more and more. He is an inspiration to me in my choral studies, piano, and life. He has always been extremely encouraging. I could go on and on about his personality and cute quirks and lovely smile, but I'm hoping thats implied so as to save space on this blog post.
I texted him recently about a test I had taken and he answered, giving me just the best feeling as usual, but it also made me miss him more. I miss him everyday and I think about him nonstop, I don't even fantasize about sex with him or anything purely physical, I just love him for all of him and want to get to know him more. Of course, him being my former teacher would never consider crossing that social boundary to pursue a relationship with me, but to me, age is just a number, I mean, one of my best friends is 15 and the other is 34. If two people click then so be it, but I don't know if I should tell him. It would most likely just ruin our friendship and make him avoid me. He would probably never reciprocate my feelings, and I don't want to rink anything. But the other side of me is dying inside, clawing at the surface. I long to just let it out and tell him everything- how I feel, how long I've felt this way, why I love him, how great he really is (he also has anxiety). But I know it is extremely risky.
WHAT CAN I DO? Should I tell him to stop this anxiety eating me up each and every day? Or should I keep it to myself and not risk the small, yet endearing friendship we actually have. Please reply, I know this is long, but anything is appreciated.
Thanks
-Gentle Sponge

Hello there.
I don't really know how things are between you and him. Have you ever hinted that he's more than a teacher to you? Has he ever hinted/mentioned the same things? If he's feeling the same, there are chances that he has intentionally or unintentionally showed it to you. If he has, maybe it's not a bad thing to be honest with him.

If I were on your position, I will tell him how I feel about him. My reasons are:
1. There are 50:50 chance that he likes you back, given the background you stated.
2. I will never be able to overcome the never ending 'what ifs' if I don't tell him how I feel.
3. If telling him how you really feel about him offends him and ruins your relationship with him, that means he's not mature enough for you. There are no reasons to be angry when somebody loves you. It's a great thing. Even if he doesn't share the same feeling, there is no need to feel bad about it.

I really hope this helps :)

 

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