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Author Topic: Courting from afar?

May 07, 2019, 12:32:15 PM
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The past six months I've fallen in love with one of my closest friends.

We've known each other for about 8 years and have developed a very close friendship. Since he lives a couple of hours away, we mostly communicate by chat and instant messaging, once in a while calling each other on the phone. We also meet up IRL a few times per year. We've both gone through quite a lot during these years which has brought us together, and things are now stabilizing for both of us. We're quite close physically as well, hugging and touching often when we do meet up. We have each had a crush on the other earlier on in the relationship, although not simultaneously, but now I've realised that I want more than friendship.

I've told my friend about my feelings and while he's said he doesn't know his feelings for sure, he's not uninterested. We have sort of come to an agreement to explore what might happen, and see where things go from there. However - how do I go about it?

We know each other so well already, and I'm afraid more messaging won't really bring us much closer than we already are. We only ever meet occasionally, but when we do, do I take him out on a date? How can I make it different from all the other times we've gone out together?

I could really use some suggestions and input on how to make this courtship work from afar. I'll be glad of any and every piece of advice you can give me!

May 09, 2019, 07:54:52 PM
Reply #1


You've showed your interest but let him come your way also .
He's the man, let him do his part and show some work.
Or you'll end up chasing him and maybe heartbroken.

Let him do the job now, he knows you're into him. And if he's not that interested, please keep your
dignity and don't insist. He'll still respect you.

May 10, 2019, 02:42:24 PM
Reply #2


Thank you for your input, Lovey. I'm not sure that "do nothing and keep your dignity so that the man will respect you" is quite the advice I was looking for, but I suppose to some extent I can see your point.

Just out of curiosity though... If my and my friend's gender had been reversed (I was a guy, my friend a girl) - would you still have given the same advice? "He's the man, let him do the job" seems to me a very 1800s way of looking at relationship building, and pretending disinterest (or as if I don't care) doesn't really fit my personality.


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