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Author Topic: Confused

December 01, 2018, 12:38:33 AM
Read 1323 times


I’m desperate. I wasn’t sure where to post this, but I’m after advice, male and female, about a situation I was in.

I’m a 38-year-old divorced lady who’s never really been great with men and relationships, plus I’m not the most confident person either.

About two years ago I decided I wanted to lose weight and get fit, so I joined my local gym. I ended up with a great Personal Trainer, a man, who was 14 years younger than me and we developed a relatively close and intense friendship.

Not long after we started training sessions, he broke up with his girlfriend because she cheated on him. As I lost weight and regained my confidence, our friendship grew. I admittedly had on and off feelings for him but never acted on them because I didn’t want to ruin the friendship and I wanted him as my Personal Trainer still.

He did a lot of nice things for me outside the gym like doing my gardening or driving me home when my car was at the mechanics. One night after a training session with him we sat and talked for three hours, and he even comforted me when I told him a few deeply personal things about my past. Last year, I had a very brief, casual encounter with a friend of his.

After I stopped seeing his mate, things between my PT and I became awkward. He’d always been curious about my life and asked questions, but now he started getting personal.

He asked me questions and said and did things that have left me confused still to this day. He asked me if I thought I was a good kisser or not and if I intended on sleeping with a guy (not his friend) I was going on a date with. He asked to see pictures of my ex-partner and ex-husband. He asked when it was I last slept with a guy. He’d make jokes about me having sex with potential dates while we were doing stretches at the gym.

During one training session, he poked me on the thigh during a workout with a long wooden balance pole when I didn’t work hard enough. He’d make remarks about me wearing a new sports bra despite me wearing a t-shirt over the top. He even told me how he liked having “rough but intimate sex.”

Towards the end of our training sessions last year, before Christmas, he met a girl from the UK on a working visa. He told me he didn’t know how old she was and that they were having casual sex and she’d call him up and abuse him when he didn’t drop everything to see her.

During the new year break, I went overseas for a holiday and when I came back it seemed like my PT and this girl were more serious than he said, according to what he put up on his social media accounts at least.

However, he rarely spoke to me about her except to say that she was just “some British chick” he was seeing and that she wanted to label the relationship when it was Facebook official.

After one training session with him at night time when we went for a run, his girlfriend was waiting at the gym for him. He behaved embarrassed by my presence and couldn’t wait for me to leave.

Then, as he’d found a new job, at his farewell gathering, I sat next to her, and my friend/PT didn’t introduce me to his new girlfriend even though all his other clients from the gym who were there seemed to know who she was. I’m still feeling bewildered and frustrated by this situation.

I’m not sure what he meant by what he said. I’m almost at a point where I want to send him a letter/long text asking for answers - should I?

Advice muchly appreciated.

« Last Edit: December 01, 2018, 12:40:37 AM by Donnao »

December 20, 2018, 11:52:33 AM
Reply #1


First of all, good for you for working on yourself and going to the gym for you. That will do wonders for your confidence. I hope you continue to feel great about yourself as you should.

Second, I hope you do not contact him. There is no reason to and it seems clear to me he isn't into you. I completely understand why feelings would surface between you two or at least on your part for him. However, just based on your examples provided here, there is nothing to pursue.

Sorry if that is rough to hear but I truely believe you are better off if you continue going forward rather then reaching out to him anymore.

Although some of his actions after breaking up with his girlfriend may have been sweet and genuine, the comments and actions he had towards you later make me feel like he is not a great guy in general. The other possiblity is he just doesn't know how to treat women period, which isn't too far fetched.

Sounds to me like he is away from your normal routine now, which is good, and is in some other messy relationship on his part. So write it off and leave it in the past. You are much better off taking your new confidence and going to find yourself a man who respects you and knows he is lucky to be with you!

Good luck my dear.

December 25, 2018, 08:22:41 AM
Reply #2


From what I understood, I think he is attracted to you but not in a very serous way. Maybe physically since he'd been hinting that he wants to have sex with you or whatever. He may be hesitating because he could see that you are not an easy to get kind of woman and he's not the kind of man to make such effort to get a girl, so he goes for those girls who are more available. Still, you affect him that he probably felt awkward when he saw you and he was with his girlfriend. It means he is still interested in you.

What I can advice is don't entertain him unless he speaks out what he really feels for you. And even when he did already, don't rush things up with him because I can sense that this guy is a player. Be careful. Make good choices. Really. 😁

January 16, 2019, 09:47:16 PM
Reply #3


It sounds like he is in to you. But not sure of himself.  And the fact he didn't talk much about his girlfriend, should be enough for me to run away fast. A real man in a relationship would not act that inappropriately to another female.  Obviously he don't respect the rules of a commitment and respect women.


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