Last year I had a relationship with a girl for about 6 months. We both worked at the same office and she was on a 1yr project from abroad. At the time I was going through a tough time in my marriage i.e. it had broken down and me and my wife had agreed to file divorce. The girl had broken up from her boyfriend of 10 years just that year so we had lots to talk about, we got very close and had a relationship, more so emotional rather than sexual but we did sleep with each other on a couple of occasions. Anyways it was mostly that we connected at a very deep level emotionally. However all the time we were together she used to become distant from time to time and as at the time I wasn’t divorced yet (was separated) that was her reason for not being completely close to me + that she had feelings for her boyfriend. A mess I know.

Now she left the country and decided that she was going to get back with her boyfriend and get married so that was that and we disconnected completely. Couple of months she is back in the country and contacts me so I met her, she tells me she is not married yet but due to get married in 3 months time! Anyways we continue to meet and it was like last year all over and we got close again, got to know that her boyfriend doesn’t really call her (she seems depressed and everytime something goes wrong she calls me and I help her out). I know this was not going anywhere but I do love her which is why I see her.

Time to time she tells me things along the lines that she wishes she could marry me but she cant think of leaving her boyfriend. She is unable to get intimate with me i.e. she gets close and everything but wouldn’t sleep with me (she says she wants to but is uncomfortable and I can respect that as I don’t want to force her and do that to her boyfriend either). I know I am being a weak person for allowing all this and it came to a point that I confronted her yday and all she said is that she loves her boyfriend (she has said this to me too) and I was just a friend to her and someone who helped her out in emotional times. So we split yday in not a very nice fashion and maybe that’s fine, I feel quite awful now as feels like I was being played all along and I do know I let that happen so my fault but at the same time all that she said to me and things we shared cant be unreal either. Somewhere I know she has a good heart because we have shared very personal things with each other.

I just need  make some sense of this as I am hurting a bit right now. I am okay if you want to bash me for my weak behaviour as well but I need some perspective. Thanks.