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Author Topic: Co-worker who became close friend, then I became intimate with

June 03, 2020, 10:10:23 AM
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I have a co-worker who I got to know and became very close friends with. I respect her more than anyone else in the world appreciate her have counted on her then I was thinking today have a lot of love for her as well. She has had a boyfriend for 4 years, also visit this boyfriend is very committed to him. Somewhere along the line she developed feelings for me same way I've always have feelings for her and eventually we crossed that line and became intimate with each other. I know where she is and who she's with she's been very committed to but honestly don't believe that she's happy because she's told me she's not and I can see it myself. That is sign I know where she is right now she's probably beating herself up and losing sleep over the guilt of cheating as I also can't seem to think or concentrate on anything because I feel like I'm responsible for letting it go that far knowing that she's in a committed relationship. At this time I just want to know if it's appropriate to apologize to her for letting it go that far or if I should just sit back and wait for her to contact me? we both already know that no matter what we're going to be very good friends forever but I'm uncertain how she's feeling right now and because I care about her so much I just need to know if there's something that I should say to her. Should I apologize for letting it go that far? Or would that possibly make her feel even more guilty or maker end up regretting what we did? She did tell me many times that she wasn't with her boyfriend we would be together. She's also told me that she likes me a lot and we spend a lot of time together. We have a very solid Bond and a very good relationship as friends and I've always I want to hear that way but for the sake of our friendship have stayed back and respected her relationship until this happened. I don't want her to end up beating herself so much up with guilt that she ends up upset with me and doesn't want to be close with me anymore. Or I could even turn out worse and I just wouldn't be able to handle that, I don't regret what happened but I do regret letting it go that far because the fear of losing her as my friend is overwhelming right now because I just don't know what I would do without her, he is the single greatest person I've ever met and I value her in my life more than anything. I don't want to regret what happened because I love her and I'm in love with her but I do because I'm scared I'm going to lose her because the guilt that will eat her up possibly.I know I'm rambling now but it's just because I don't really know how else to explain everything, it's obviously impossible for someone to grasp the entirety of the situation because there's a lot of things set factor inbut if anyone out there can just tell me if I should just apologize for letting it go that far or if that's a dangerous idea please let me know, I just don't know what to do at this point and I'm not even able to find I didn't mean to just do what I'm actually feeling you because I'm very lost and afraid. I am 34 years old, I have kids, I am single, I've been in love before, I have a great job that is fulfilling  and in all honesty am content with my life but this woman, this co-worker who became my friend truly means more to me than anyone ever has my entire life and it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm in love with her that she's beautiful, it's just something I can't explain. All I know is that if I lose her as a friend I will feel broken inside in the way I haven't felt in over a decade
I'm not sure if this is relevant or if it helps at all, but when I first saw her and met her this is something I wrote before I even gotten to know her and it was my honest feelings without any thought.


Every time I have a thought, you are on my mind.
I even found you in a dream for a second time.
I didn't know I had a heart until I felt you there.
And Id admit that I'm in love but it's just not fair.

On the day we met, I know that's when I probably...
Look into the eyes of my Destiny.
And because you're everything that beautiful can be,
you can keep every breath you take away from Me.

Everytime I see your face I can't help but smile,
so I hope it's cool that I look every once in awhile.
And even though I'll-
never get to give you my love,
every time I have a thought, youre everything I think of.


Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

June 04, 2020, 02:46:39 PM
Reply #1


Hi GP,

I can see how much you care and love this woman, that's clear. I think your heart is in the right place. I know it may be difficult for you to take a step back but it sounds as though she has big decision on her hands. The last thing you would want to do it put any pressure on her or make her feel more guilty.

I honestly recommend letting her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk it through with you - that might ease her conscious. I think just being there is the most you can do at this point. She may not want to continue in her relationship, or she may want to stay but as long as you show that you care is the best you can possibly do.

I have personally gone through something similar, a co-worker and I got very close and I was smitten. I never knew he felt the same until he got drunk at work do's, he had a girlfriend of 2 years and he always told me how much he loved her. He always told me how much he loved me (only intoxicated). I used to go over and over it again what he said, until I took a step back as it was starting to hurt my feelings.

If he said the same things she has said to you, I would of gone for it. I know it's wrong but you can't help who you love not matter their circumstances.

I think by you showing how much you care may make her decision easier.

Really hope this helps and good luck!


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