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Author Topic: caught fiance lying for a second time, need advice

July 21, 2019, 04:36:23 AM
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Been together with fiance for 4 years, we've been living together and engaged for 3 years, I'm a 42yr old male and shes a 40yr old female. I just caught her lying for a second time. This time she said she was at her parents but she was actually was helping her ex-boy friends mother find a new home. A year ago I caught her talking to him several times for 20 min, she says they didn't talk in a while and wanted to see how things were, apologized and said it wouldn't happen again.

Too me this seems like low level bs, but I don't need to accept or tolerate it, and really have no proof she isn't hiding anything else. I'm not gullible, but really do believe she isn't cheating on me, is a good person, and we are happy, all which is why I am with her.

We aren't married, have no kids, and I own the home. I'd be willing to work through this, but is this something I should break up or take a break over, or when is enough enough?
Your time and advice is appreciated!

July 21, 2019, 06:26:41 PM
Reply #1


Lying is definitely the biggest problem in all relationships. The problem is people aren't as sensitive to how important the truth is between the people closest to us. It is too often taken for granted in how easy it is to lie and how easy people forgive and forget the lies.

If you want to keep the relationship it is going to be important to find out why she thought she needed to lie in the first place. Why does she want to undermine the relationship with the lies? Why does she not care about ruining your relationship with her? I don't mean that you should ask her these questions because you will get a superficial answer that is followed by some bullshit apology.

There is a reason she lied. It has to do with you or has to do with her. Do you make her feel guilty to having or keeping relationship outside of yours? Do you have any ideas what about you she feels the need to lie? For example, why did she say 'it wouldn't happen again' when excusing herself for talking to her old boyfriend as apposed to sharing with you the content of the conversation?

The things about her that might cause her to lie is past relationships and she is a consummate liar from the culture of her upbringing.

These are very broad terms so let me know which direction you want to go based on your perspective.


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