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Author Topic: Boyfriend of 3,5 years not sure if he wants future with me

December 08, 2019, 03:12:43 PM
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Luana


I will try to be as short as possible.
I am 32 years old and my boyfriend of 3,5 years is 42 years old. Neither of us have been married or have children. We have been living together for 2 years. He has huge commitment issues, like I've never heard of or seen before, really. In the beginning of our relationship, he was talking how one day he wanted a wife, house, kids... And I believed him. Over time I realized just how big his issues are, he is very indecisive about everything, because he always believes he can do better, at everything.

He has been buying appartment for the whole time we have been together, seen like 15 of them, but nothing is good enough. He is buying alone, because he has fear of us not ending together. Whenever I opened subject of our future, our plans (we don't have any) at first I got silence, the annoyance and I know it is just his fears and defensive mechanism talking, but still.. Over time it really hurt my feelings, when I listened to how he can't marry me because someone better might come along, he can't have kids because he won't be good father, how with marriage his life will be over and so on and on....
Over time things got better but I still have no answers, like does he want to marry me some day, does he want to have kids with me, when does he wish for those things to happen? I am not 20 anymore, I wish for family, stability, some form of security. Otherwise we get along great, work at the same profession, have same hobbies, he makes me laugh, but lately I feel a lot of resentment. I feel I should be treated better, like someone at his age and experience should be happy to be with me. He is and that is why he doesn't want to let me go, but he is unable to make any further moves. I tried everything, walking away, setting wedding date, setting decision date, nothing works..

What should I do? Should I give up and move on or wait? Will he ever decide, does he just need some more time?

December 08, 2019, 09:47:57 PM
Reply #1
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jupiter99


Quite honestly, ask him to keep an eye on his gut feeling and then talk to him about it has been telling over a longer period of time. Our sense of intuition when it comes to love and relationships is virtually never ever wrong. It’s very realiable and should always be taken seriously!

December 10, 2019, 06:50:00 AM
Reply #2
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Captain Black


Put it simply you need to ask . He needs to communicate with you as communication underpins a successful relationship . If he cant commit to you  and continues on with his silly games ,then I think you need to think about finding somebody else .

You know yourself at your age if you want to start a family your biological clock is counting downwards and you cant afford to hang around forever.

I apologise if I came over too bluntly but I think you need to see your situation clearly. I think you have reached a junction here and you need to make the right choice .

 

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