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Author Topic: boyfriend friends with girl he used to get nudes from and obsessed over him, sho

December 04, 2018, 10:36:13 PM
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a.girl.who.loves.dogs


hey everyone,

I just wanted to probe your guys' minds about a particular issue of mine I am having with my current boyfriend...

so the issue goes like this: my boyfriend has this friend of his that prior to our relationship he would receive a fair amount of nudes from (that he would accept happily and well… ya know), and would basically drool and obsess every waking minute over his existence in her life.
How recent were those nudes sent compared to when were a thing you may wonder? March of that year and we started dating September of that year…
How exactly did she basically profess her obsession/love for him you may wonder? Her social media accounts would never fall short of calling him “bestie/best friend” with heart emojis at the very least and sometimes the explicit  phrase, “I love you” at times… all of these posts which he acknowledged and knew full well about…
He initially told me that he received nudes from her but that was all I initially heard of her. Later on after I did some of my own digging, I saw that it was far more than just nudes that were exchanged and that they would talk endlessly, sometimes quite late till the time he’d go to sleep, blah, blah, blah and that is when I found the numerous posts of him on her Facebook. Upon asking him about her, he would state that they weren’t much of anything (and acted like their friendship didn’t mean much to him), yet when I confronted him about the many posts she tagged him in, he acted shocked (even though he liked just about every one that mentioned him). This was my red flag and when I became uncomfortable about them ever hanging out… (like he pretended to be unaware of the posts, even though he knew about them)
I expressed this concern of mine to his, and he felt that there was no worry with their friendship (that he claimed wasn’t even that much) and that I didn’t have a thing to worry with.

My dilemma is this, whilst she may not be sending him nudes anymore since the relationship began and he told her not to send such content, I am still nonetheless uncomfortable at the idea of them hanging out when I consider the idea that he got off to photos of her…

Thoughts?  ???

December 05, 2018, 10:50:58 PM
Reply #1
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a.girl.who.loves.dogs


**so in new development, after he removed her from his Facebook because I expressed my discomfort, she then friends him and he happily accepts it, what?**

December 19, 2018, 01:44:34 AM
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Andja98


He sounds like a boy who, on one hand wants a normal girl and wants to have a relationship, and on the other hand wants to have fun. Relationships don't work like that. If you like/love someone and you want to see where your relationship might go, you don't usually have "friends" that sent you nudes. I'm sorry but I have to say, it's really disrespectful to you. I once had a boyfriend that had a "friend" like that and eventually I got cheated on. I felt like a complete dumbass because I could've prevented that heartbreak. There were red flags and signs everywere, but I decided to beg him to stop looking for her on social media, to stop texting, just to stop. If he really cared about how you feel he'd block her, and never think about her again.  :-*

January 11, 2019, 03:45:26 AM
Reply #3
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a.girl.who.loves.dogs


So guys, not like it matters much anymore at this point, but thought I might as well inform you with the most recent and last development on this situation.

we broke up.
While I am sad I wasted a year and three months with such a manipulative guy who treated our relationship like a meer game, I learned a lot of what not to do from this first, serious relationship of mine and feel so relieved I was able to cut things off before it was prolonged.

January 11, 2019, 10:41:58 AM
Reply #4
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Staff

Forum Staff
So guys, not like it matters much anymore at this point, but thought I might as well inform you with the most recent and last development on this situation.

we broke up.
While I am sad I wasted a year and three months with such a manipulative guy who treated our relationship like a meer game, I learned a lot of what not to do from this first, serious relationship of mine and feel so relieved I was able to cut things off before it was prolonged.

I am so sorry to hear that @a.girl.who.loves.dogs though I am happy that you can now move on with your life and to meet someone that treats and respects you correctly.

We're always here if you need a chat!
Your friendly neighborhood moderator.=)

January 11, 2019, 09:52:43 PM
Reply #5
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a.girl.who.loves.dogs


So guys, not like it matters much anymore at this point, but thought I might as well inform you with the most recent and last development on this situation.

we broke up.
While I am sad I wasted a year and three months with such a manipulative guy who treated our relationship like a meer game, I learned a lot of what not to do from this first, serious relationship of mine and feel so relieved I was able to cut things off before it was prolonged.

I am so sorry to hear that @a.girl.who.loves.dogs though I am happy that you can now move on with your life and to meet someone that treats and respects you correctly.

We're always here if you need a chat!

thank you so much for your supportive and kind words, it really means a lot!  :)
whilst I walked into this relationship with great hopes of it lasting, of course, I soon (but sadly, much later than I should have) saw that things were simply not going to work. I still kept pushing out hope, because who doesn't? I wanted to think we could work out our "differences", but soon saw they were more than a "difference" and rather a character flaw that I certainly wasn't going to change. a lot was learned from my first relationship and I am extremely content living the single life just doing things that make me happy now.

once again, thanks for your kind words though!  :D

April 07, 2019, 08:53:09 AM
Reply #6
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Thulmes134


I would honestly confront him nicely and then from there just tel him how you feel!

May 09, 2019, 09:04:00 PM
Reply #7
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a.girl.who.loves.dogs


I would honestly confront him nicely and then from there just tel him how you feel!

whenever I brought it up, he would always get incredibly defensive and evade any direct question as to why he wanted to keep her around beyond personal ego issues... after bringing up the issue with him too many times and expelling how I felt and why, also including that I know he wouldn't be okay with the same thing I was supposed to be okay with, I said the hell with him and have since been incredibly happy without having this kinda nonsense bs hang over my head.

May 17, 2019, 07:54:41 AM
Reply #8
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Jolz010


This guy is having his cake and eating it. Although he may not be physically doing anything wrong he’s certainly emotionally hurting you and it’s such a lack of respect. How would he like you receiving nude pics or long convos from a man? I’m sure it wouldn’t go down as well had you said it’s just a friend. There’s nothing wrong with a man having a girl friend (providing you at least get to meet her, as you would won his male friends) however the issue here is there is sexual history regarding the nudes so there are feelings on both sides. Let him have her girl you deserve someone who wants nudes from you and only you and late night phone calls from you, no one else. Total disrespect on his part completely disregarding you’re feelings. Hope you have the courage to walk away from this man and get the happiness you deserve x

 

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