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Author Topic: Best Friend Confessed what do I do..

November 25, 2019, 02:06:34 AM
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anxiety_confusion


So long story short, I have this one friend that I've known since elementary school. He is my best friend, we share everything, we hang out together often and honestly, I sort of started to cling on him because we not only shared similar likes but also our personalities just clicked. (We are both the same age and in College)

After a long day in class, in which we had fun but we were both tired, right before he dropped me off, he confessed to me, out of the blue. I, who had never thought about him as a boyfriend before, froze like a deer in headlights, said I thought he was a great guy, and I said thank you for the ride and walked out of the car.

Then proceeded to spend the rest of the day and a half agonizing about how I felt and how I wanted to respond. Here's the problem, it's not as I don't like him, I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship. I've never dated, kept myself busy by working hard. I'm really ambitious and now have a great job lined up with a possibility where I could be transferred around oversees. I also work part-time while balancing uni. Not only am I not ready, but I also know, right now, I won't be a good girlfriend as I would never be able to give the proper devotion he deserves. (maybe in the future when I'm ready to settle down but now no)

Worst of all, I like him allot as a friend and don't want to lose him over a breakup. I know already that the relationship is awkward and will never be the same as I know this now.  I think I gave the wrong signs, as I clung to him allot (I'm a very tactile person, so I hug all my friends and basically anyone who lets me), we basically went out to the movies often together, and/or spent late nights on the phone. Now, I feel like such an asshole and I really don't want to reject him at all. He has low confidence issues and I've been devoted to wanting to see him happy and successful for quite a while.  This leaves me so conflicted.

Right now, he sent me a normal message acting like nothing happing, like he never confessed. I responded back as I usually do, but I can't stop thinking about this now. I could just ignore it and hopefully, time heals all wounds and our relationship goes back to normal but I don't even know.

Anyone have any advice?

November 25, 2019, 05:39:49 AM
Reply #1
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Andreacandelli


Alright.  TELL him just what you said in your question. Don't give him the 'great guy' speech. DO tell him that you  have too many balls in the air.

You two lean on each other for friend-support. If you even COULD make the time-and generate the incredible energy for anything deeper, you would both lose that friendship, that support and possibly your fully-engaged MINDS!

It just IS the wrong time. And that is what will require your strength; just telling him that ugly truth.

I CAN tell you this; I pursued a college love in my sophomore year. I had two sophomore years.The unbelievable energy university AND such a relationship needed -DESERVED- meant that I was a failure in both.

If you'd like? Tell him about Aunt Andrea⚘

Fare Well, Girl
AG Candelli
« Last Edit: November 25, 2019, 05:41:40 AM by Andreacandelli »

November 25, 2019, 07:00:30 AM
Reply #2
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Captain Black


I also would tell him basically how you have told it in your post. Its the kindest way . To say nothing you could lose him for good, including the friendship . I am sure he will understand your position as I do . On the other hand you will have to bear in mind that he may not want to wait around for ever so don't get worked up if he starts a relationship with someone else in the meant time. That is the risk you will have to take but it shouldn't prevent you from remaining friends . I am in a similar situation whereby one of my wife's friends has kept tabs on me and we still enjoy a fulfilling friendship and she is somebody I can ask and get answers on different topics than say my male friends.

The ball really is firmly in your court here and IMO you need to play the right shot .

 

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