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Author Topic: Are these sutible actions to fix my marriage?

November 23, 2018, 08:55:20 AM
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KMurphy96


Just to let everyone know this will be very long. My husband and I are newly weds ( married for 5 months) . The last 2 months we have been experiencing a large amount of problems in every aspect of our relationship. We are fighting about... Money, Sex, Intimacy, Spending time together, and communicating. The message I have posted below is a message that I sent my husband to try and fix out issues once and for all with out actual marriage counseling. This is kind of my way of having him and I self marriage cousel our selves. Their are probley spelling errors or typos but try to make the best sense of it you can. Basically the feed back I am looking for is do you think the over all idea of my propsal to him is a good one? Do you have any suggestions? Do you see any flaws? Please feel free to email me about this topic....



MESSAGE I SENT HIM...


First things first...

 I love you more than man I have ever been with. I truly do believe that you are my soulmate and that we belong together...however I feel that we are not one percent where we should be in our relationship at this current moment.

Perfect situation between us I would like to achieve....

How to Stop Arguing Over Who Pays Bills and Where Money is Going....

( We both are working and splitting the bills evenly down the middle as much as possible. However you may pay a little more dude to the fact that you do make more money than I do. I would like us to have about that same amount of "extra money" and to evenly split the household expenses such as groceries, cleaning supplies,ECT.
I want us to both have our own bank accounts but have a shared account that we both deposit money into for the bills and house hold expenses. Each payday we will have a set amount that is take out of each of our personal bank accounts and deposited into our joint account. The bills will then be automatic withdrawn from that joint account. And money for the house expenses will be left over in account to be used at the grocery store. This way our arguments about money will be over. Your portion will be deposited my port will be deposited and most of the bills will pay them selves. And the ones that don't come out automatically we can take turn physically using the "joint" money to pay them. For example one time you'll go pay sewer with joint account and the next time i will ho pay sewer with the joint account. By doing this we will both equally be putting in the same amount of money into the house hold bills and expenses and we will both share the responsibility of physically paying the bills in alternating turns so that we their wont be one person putting more effort in than the other.)

How To Split Chores...
( we both must clean up after dogs. Poop, pee and messes. You clean up messes while I'm at work and I clean up messes while your at work. However to make sure we are actually doing it. We will hold the other person accountable if messes are substantially larger than usual when the other gets home for example if I get home at midnight abd there are 4 pee shots and 6 poop spots than chances are she was not let outside properly. Same for me if you come home at 6pm and there is a lot of messes than more than likely I didn't not let her out enough. Obviously expectations will need to be made some times but not too often. I also thing we should set a egg timer in the house somewhere and let her out every hour. Also we must both make sure we feed the animals. I will feed them in the mornings and you feed them at night. As far as house hold chores we need to each take turns doing laundry, dishes and cleaning the house. I feel the best way to achieve this is to make a chart and alternate weeks. One week I do dishes all week and the next week you do dishes all week, same thing with laundry and cleaning. However to make it fair we both have to have a weekly chore so if I am on dishes during a specific week than during that same week you would have laundry. Also I feel this system will work nicely with sharing other chores like cooking dinners for the week and making lunches and grocery shopping. By alternating the chores each week be both are sharing the responsibility without having too much on either of our plates.)

How to Improve our sex life...

( we will both have to make compromises on this one. I will have to tone DOWN my hornyness and you with have to turn yours UP. I think a good way to achieve this is to have weekly or bi-weekly coupons we can cash in to each other. The objective of these coupons is to make it so the other person with selflessly have to give into the others desires and needs for the greater good of the relationship. For an example I think some of the basic coupons should be "To have Sex" , "To receive Oral" , "To cuddle" "To not have to have sex", "to not have to cuddle" and we can obviously make more if we need to. But having these coupons will make it possible of one of us to get something we really really need with out rejection they will also allow us to shut down any advances without further question. OF COURSE HOWEVER if one person is persistent on not wanting to do something than the other must respect that but that shouldn't always be used. Sometimes a partner has to do thing selflessly for their significant others well-being. I believe using this system will allow us to not only get what we desire but also teach us to put the needs and desire of our partner before our selfs. We can still have sex and oral when ever we want of course but these coupons will make it so we can somewhat deal with times we can't come to an agreement when it comes to sex)

How to stop Intimacy issues...

( I feel we should have a minimum of one hour a week or bi-weekly where we show our partner intimacy of their choice or a surprise to make then feel loved. However some rules will need to be set in place like we both have to put our full effort into what ever we do. And it must be a full hour even if it gets interrupted than the remaining time would just be finished as soon as possible. And wee alternate weeks, however we can both go in the same week or bi-weekly but we CAN NOT skip a turn. For example something I might do would be to give you a shower where i was you than dry you off than take care of your feet and massage you and make u a snack to enjoy while I pamper you than give u a blow job without expecting sex than rub and hold u to sleep. And example of something you might do is run me a candle lit bath and you wash me and dry me than rub me all over and eat me out and play with my hair until i fall asleep. And we both would have to tell each other how much we love the other person during. By having this system we both with get the love and affection that we need every week or bi-weekly. The last rule is that unless requested and agreed upon we will have to do something different each time. For example if. I bath and massage you one turn than my next turn I would have to come up with a different way to show you affection. With that rule it makes it so it doesn't get boring and that the intimacy is genuine because we have to plan it.)

How to Have More Date Nights And Hangout More...

( this will follow similar rules to the others... Once a week or bi-weekly one of us will have to plan a "Date" or a "Hangout" session. We will alternate turns. What ever is done and planned is licked by the persons who's turn it is however the rules could be something like their has to be a main activity like going to the movies,fishing,bowling,camping,hiking,star gazing,picnic,ECT and their also has to some kind of food planned rather it is eating out or packing a lunch and it has be just the two of of for at least 1 turn each for every month. For example we could still go on a date planned by you and have other people come but that could only have 3 out of 4 times in a month 1 time would have to be just us. Having this set up will make it so we care aware of how we need to spend quality time together and also make lasting memories aside from just having movie nights in the house even if the activities are free and it will force us to put effort into the dates/hangout sessions.)

Lastly.....
How to Communicate Better....
( Once a week or bi-weekly we will have BOTH to have a feelings sharing session of at least a 30 minutes per person. So every week or bi-weekly we will have to each share our current feelings with each other about specific topics we choose like for example sex, intimacy, fears, thing we're happy about, things we're sad or angry about, ECT. These topic will have to be about not only work and life outside out relationship but every topic must touch on our current relationship views even if they haven't change or that person is happy. So every time we have to discuss OUR feelings about sex, intimacy, affection,ECT even if the answer is i am happy with it all. And we must talk about work for both people rather the feelings are good or bad. And no one can interrupt the person speaking. The 1st person goes and talks and when they are done the other person can respond with questions or comments. This will help us be conscious of how our partner is currently feeling about various topics as a person about both normal life and about the relationship and this will creat an open environment where we both can share our feelings with out being judged or having to bottle them up.)

Disclaimer:
Obviously we will both agree on the turn order of who goes first and who goes second. Topics for each category will be discussed and rules can be changed. Everything I have listed is 100% negotiable to a extent. These are just examples and loose guide lines to help us figure out function system so we get progress has individuals but also as compassionate lovers and spouses. I do however feel having a white or some type of system to show what is being done and in what order and what turn will be beneficial to make it so we both are aware of the tings we are supposed to do. I really do want to improve our relationship to the best of my ability and I also what to share responsibilities of EVERYTHING we do so that way we can truly become partners and have to rely on each other and really split the load of each task.

December 13, 2018, 10:30:30 PM
Reply #1

missg


Just to let everyone know this will be very long. My husband and I are newly weds ( married for 5 months) . The last 2 months we have been experiencing a large amount of problems in every aspect of our relationship. We are fighting about... Money, Sex, Intimacy, Spending time together, and communicating. The message I have posted below is a message that I sent my husband to try and fix out issues once and for all with out actual marriage counseling. This is kind of my way of having him and I self marriage cousel our selves. Their are probley spelling errors or typos but try to make the best sense of it you can. Basically the feed back I am looking for is do you think the over all idea of my propsal to him is a good one? Do you have any suggestions? Do you see any flaws? Please feel free to email me about this topic....



MESSAGE I SENT HIM...


First things first...

 I love you more than man I have ever been with. I truly do believe that you are my soulmate and that we belong together...however I feel that we are not one percent where we should be in our relationship at this current moment.

Perfect situation between us I would like to achieve....

How to Stop Arguing Over Who Pays Bills and Where Money is Going....

( We both are working and splitting the bills evenly down the middle as much as possible. However you may pay a little more dude to the fact that you do make more money than I do. I would like us to have about that same amount of "extra money" and to evenly split the household expenses such as groceries, cleaning supplies,ECT.
I want us to both have our own bank accounts but have a shared account that we both deposit money into for the bills and house hold expenses. Each payday we will have a set amount that is take out of each of our personal bank accounts and deposited into our joint account. The bills will then be automatic withdrawn from that joint account. And money for the house expenses will be left over in account to be used at the grocery store. This way our arguments about money will be over. Your portion will be deposited my port will be deposited and most of the bills will pay them selves. And the ones that don't come out automatically we can take turn physically using the "joint" money to pay them. For example one time you'll go pay sewer with joint account and the next time i will ho pay sewer with the joint account. By doing this we will both equally be putting in the same amount of money into the house hold bills and expenses and we will both share the responsibility of physically paying the bills in alternating turns so that we their wont be one person putting more effort in than the other.)

How To Split Chores...
( we both must clean up after dogs. Poop, pee and messes. You clean up messes while I'm at work and I clean up messes while your at work. However to make sure we are actually doing it. We will hold the other person accountable if messes are substantially larger than usual when the other gets home for example if I get home at midnight abd there are 4 pee shots and 6 poop spots than chances are she was not let outside properly. Same for me if you come home at 6pm and there is a lot of messes than more than likely I didn't not let her out enough. Obviously expectations will need to be made some times but not too often. I also thing we should set a egg timer in the house somewhere and let her out every hour. Also we must both make sure we feed the animals. I will feed them in the mornings and you feed them at night. As far as house hold chores we need to each take turns doing laundry, dishes and cleaning the house. I feel the best way to achieve this is to make a chart and alternate weeks. One week I do dishes all week and the next week you do dishes all week, same thing with laundry and cleaning. However to make it fair we both have to have a weekly chore so if I am on dishes during a specific week than during that same week you would have laundry. Also I feel this system will work nicely with sharing other chores like cooking dinners for the week and making lunches and grocery shopping. By alternating the chores each week be both are sharing the responsibility without having too much on either of our plates.)

How to Improve our sex life...

( we will both have to make compromises on this one. I will have to tone DOWN my hornyness and you with have to turn yours UP. I think a good way to achieve this is to have weekly or bi-weekly coupons we can cash in to each other. The objective of these coupons is to make it so the other person with selflessly have to give into the others desires and needs for the greater good of the relationship. For an example I think some of the basic coupons should be "To have Sex" , "To receive Oral" , "To cuddle" "To not have to have sex", "to not have to cuddle" and we can obviously make more if we need to. But having these coupons will make it possible of one of us to get something we really really need with out rejection they will also allow us to shut down any advances without further question. OF COURSE HOWEVER if one person is persistent on not wanting to do something than the other must respect that but that shouldn't always be used. Sometimes a partner has to do thing selflessly for their significant others well-being. I believe using this system will allow us to not only get what we desire but also teach us to put the needs and desire of our partner before our selfs. We can still have sex and oral when ever we want of course but these coupons will make it so we can somewhat deal with times we can't come to an agreement when it comes to sex)

How to stop Intimacy issues...

( I feel we should have a minimum of one hour a week or bi-weekly where we show our partner intimacy of their choice or a surprise to make then feel loved. However some rules will need to be set in place like we both have to put our full effort into what ever we do. And it must be a full hour even if it gets interrupted than the remaining time would just be finished as soon as possible. And wee alternate weeks, however we can both go in the same week or bi-weekly but we CAN NOT skip a turn. For example something I might do would be to give you a shower where i was you than dry you off than take care of your feet and massage you and make u a snack to enjoy while I pamper you than give u a blow job without expecting sex than rub and hold u to sleep. And example of something you might do is run me a candle lit bath and you wash me and dry me than rub me all over and eat me out and play with my hair until i fall asleep. And we both would have to tell each other how much we love the other person during. By having this system we both with get the love and affection that we need every week or bi-weekly. The last rule is that unless requested and agreed upon we will have to do something different each time. For example if. I bath and massage you one turn than my next turn I would have to come up with a different way to show you affection. With that rule it makes it so it doesn't get boring and that the intimacy is genuine because we have to plan it.)

How to Have More Date Nights And Hangout More...

( this will follow similar rules to the others... Once a week or bi-weekly one of us will have to plan a "Date" or a "Hangout" session. We will alternate turns. What ever is done and planned is licked by the persons who's turn it is however the rules could be something like their has to be a main activity like going to the movies,fishing,bowling,camping,hiking,star gazing,picnic,ECT and their also has to some kind of food planned rather it is eating out or packing a lunch and it has be just the two of of for at least 1 turn each for every month. For example we could still go on a date planned by you and have other people come but that could only have 3 out of 4 times in a month 1 time would have to be just us. Having this set up will make it so we care aware of how we need to spend quality time together and also make lasting memories aside from just having movie nights in the house even if the activities are free and it will force us to put effort into the dates/hangout sessions.)

Lastly.....
How to Communicate Better....
( Once a week or bi-weekly we will have BOTH to have a feelings sharing session of at least a 30 minutes per person. So every week or bi-weekly we will have to each share our current feelings with each other about specific topics we choose like for example sex, intimacy, fears, thing we're happy about, things we're sad or angry about, ECT. These topic will have to be about not only work and life outside out relationship but every topic must touch on our current relationship views even if they haven't change or that person is happy. So every time we have to discuss OUR feelings about sex, intimacy, affection,ECT even if the answer is i am happy with it all. And we must talk about work for both people rather the feelings are good or bad. And no one can interrupt the person speaking. The 1st person goes and talks and when they are done the other person can respond with questions or comments. This will help us be conscious of how our partner is currently feeling about various topics as a person about both normal life and about the relationship and this will creat an open environment where we both can share our feelings with out being judged or having to bottle them up.)

Disclaimer:
Obviously we will both agree on the turn order of who goes first and who goes second. Topics for each category will be discussed and rules can be changed. Everything I have listed is 100% negotiable to a extent. These are just examples and loose guide lines to help us figure out function system so we get progress has individuals but also as compassionate lovers and spouses. I do however feel having a white or some type of system to show what is being done and in what order and what turn will be beneficial to make it so we both are aware of the tings we are supposed to do. I really do want to improve our relationship to the best of my ability and I also what to share responsibilities of EVERYTHING we do so that way we can truly become partners and have to rely on each other and really split the load of each task.

do you have any update on this @KMurphy96 , sorry i have only just got around to reading your message, I hope that things have got easier.

Happy to give my thoughts if you have an update! Hope all is ok ...

 

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