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Author Topic: Anyone ever been with someone with mental illnesses

April 12, 2019, 09:34:04 PM
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Shnickahs


I could really use an opinion of someone who knows what it's like to be with someone who has depression and anxiety.
I understand that everyone with these problems behaves differently, I just also know there is a bias and I often question my own feelings, weather or not a "normal" person would feel the same. I want to stress that I work hard on my problems,I don't want to deteriorate. I'm not one of those girls who throw things, hit, I dont even yell very much ( at anyone not just my boyfriend) I know people who don't have mental illnesses that do all of that. I still feel like I'm worse than them. Things I'll do and have done  include pills/therapy ( I'd prefer not to, to be honest) , meditation, journaling, prayers, spells, psych wards, programs, chatrooms, medical trials,and have multiple apps on my phone.
I truly don't want this to hurt my life  anymore  so I sincerely try to find help daily. I'm concerned I'm going to hurt someone else's life with my bad self-esteem. Ive had this boyfriend for 5 months. When we first started going out I did have a hard time accepting that he truly felt anything for me and  he wanted a girlfriend more than me. I don't believe he'd be with me still if that was true, considering how difficult I think I am.  I just don't think he's really honest with me at the expense of my feelings, I've made it very clear that I think I he's great but we can both improve on things, and that putting my feelings in place of his own would make him unhappy.. I don't want to leave him but I'm being as mature and healthy as I can be with him. Remaining that mindful isn't that easy.  I can't be sure if it's my depression or my life that makes me sad, probably a mix of both. I do love him, I know id regret it if I broke up with him. Other than my feeling like there is a problem there is none, not one that I can really use to break up over it. Some stress comes from his lack of communication, the amount of time he's able to spend with me keeps decreasing for stupid reasons, when I see him he just sits there in silence ( even when I bring up something, silence!  to me I'd only be like that if I didn't care) , and his friends/roommates.  I remember about a month ago i was in tears just being like I don't know if you think we should break up or not talk for a week. He said no he didn't want that. I asked him is there a better way for me to approach you? He didn't say. Guys I want to have a good relationship and I'll admit my anxiety is mainly about the POSSIBILITY of something.
My main concern is that I'm being selfish by causing both myself and him more stress through this relationship. I can tell he often feels like he's not good enough and can't do anything right. ( he is always changing plans as their happening and  almost always doing things that affect me, almost automatically like I just feel like I'm going to school for the first time kinda anxious). i always make it a point to say he's a good boyfriend, that I don't want to hurt his feelings and  that I just want to talk about something. I honestly think he just thinks I like making him feel bad or like drama.( I'd be way more dramatic if that was the case ) what weighs on my mind is that I know most people would tell me to focus on myself and him that he should find someone more stable.  I really couldn't blame him if he was unhappy, even if I'm functional it's not anyone's ideal qualities. It is like I have to be less sensitive because if I am too much then it's because of my illnesses and not my real feelings ( in other people's minds) . I know that IF nothing is wrong then me constantly asking  will be the problem  I just don't really know what to think is going on in his head. Is he sparing my feelings? Is he really happy? I should also say that he's always got this tone when he says no that makes it sound like a yes. .

April 13, 2019, 06:37:18 AM
Reply #1
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katlunara


I myself have anxiety and sometimes depression so i can feel you. After reading what you wrote it does feel like he likes the idea of having a girlfriend. If he really loves you he would be making you feel positive about yourself, rather than making you feel the opposite. It doesn't sound like hes happy or cares about you at all. In my experience with my current and last relationship the guys i was with helped me with my depression and anxiety. I just don't think he is the right guy for you, there's always someone better.
I'm always trying my best to help. I may not be the best, just know that i have tried.

 

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