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Author Topic: Ambiguous sexfriend and question about what is showing love

September 23, 2019, 02:51:27 PM
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Hi guys,

I come here with a content involving a largest questionning i get about how we show love, affection and attachement, because what i live in this period of my life let me totaly lost with all this stuff. So please i don’t come for advices like « you should flee from that relationship », I know and i won’t flee for now cause i’m stubborn as hell and i just don’t have the force to do it now. 

I came here more to get opinions on the situation itself, so maybe I can better see, eventually better understand why that guy act the way he does, empathize and that would make the situation easier to live, maybe.

So the situation here ist hat 3 months ago I met a boy with which it should have been first a one night stand (he ask for) but fast become a sex friend relationship. At a point I started getting feeling for him. As we have common friends, some of them started telling me they were feeling like an alchemy between us (and not only about me and that was without i ask them what they thought) and eventually tried to hurry things, by for exemple letting us both alone, stuff like that.. you know, stupid stuff friends do in trying to help but which don't help at all  ::) 

What happened next, is that he let me know he was feeling i was getting attached and that this made him uncomfortable. BUT this exact night he kind of discovered I had feeling, we still end up together and even the night after, I came over him, but we had no sex, only we slept together. As I didn’t want him to be embarassed by me feelings, i tried to don’t show much affection. HE told me he didn’t want sex that night and HE came to me for hugs, to hold me all the night long.......

And here is the main point, the "wtf" point as i like to say. He still show me very much affection, like on morning he would say stuff like «hello sweety», hold me very very tight in spoon while taking my hands, stroking my hair, telling me i'm beautiful... And all of this knowing i love him  ???.

I didn’t have much love relationship in my life, but the last one i have almost never received that affection at almost any point (well, that guy was kinda broken through). And last time it happened in a SF relationship that i get much affection (but even there it wasnt that much), we ended up together in a love relationship.

I can copy he doesn’t want to engage. He’s a very very independant person, with strong, but special principles of life (well, he’s an artist very involved in his work: cinematography.. ) who also have get out of a painful and longtime relationship a few months ago, but i’m kinda lost with what is the mean of this behaviour. I mean, it’s a bad word game viewing the situation, but when with him I do feel "loved". I can copy he couldn’t be in love, that’s what he said, so at leat that’s what he want, so i respect. But, what is that so ? Affection ? Tenderness ? Where do it come from ? And how we actually show true love.. I mean, I feel betrayed in my representations of what it is love and how we show it. It’s not about being rejected or what else, it’s about what makes sense in my eyes and I’m afraid to lose confidence in the next boy that will show me all of this (but knowing how i'm stupborn, i'm sure it won't be the case, lol).

What's your mind about all of this ?

September 24, 2019, 04:46:08 AM
Reply #1


Doesn't seems to me like it's a healthy relationships, you just continue using each other for your own purposes. From my point of view breaking up would be the best solution. You need to find partner who's gonna be mentally conected with you and who can support you. According to your description, your friend only visit you when he needs in sex, which also tells a lot about you.


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