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Author Topic: Am I wrong for talking to his new girl that's way younger than him?

February 24, 2020, 08:52:32 AM
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I(F18) been with my "ex(M22)" for the past six months. I put ex in quotation marks because we were never really a couple. We slept together, spent a lot of time together and went on "dates" but he told me after two months that he doesn't love me like I love him but he still couldn't keep his hands off me. He spent the remaining four months of our time together with trying to win me back in various ways and then pushig me away again after a few days. I fell for his promises again and again because he truly was/is my first love.

He bought me a giant bouquet of roses on my 18th birthday and we had an amazing evening and that was two days befor he "broke up" with me. Two months later he told me he didn't want anyone else and that he doesn't think he'll find anyone he feels as confortable and at home with as he does with me and then pushes me away the next day and tells me to get a grip on my feelings so he can keep sleeping with me.

There's a lot more stuff that happened between the two of us but if I wrote it all down this post would be way too long for anyone to read.

Anyways during all our time together he still had this other girl in mind (F16) that had been on an exchange trip up until a month ago. I knew about her but he told me time and time again that they were just friends.

Well we got into a big fight about 3 weeks ago and he wouldn't talk to me for a week. During this time his ex asked me if we could talk some day and I really wanted to talk to someone about everything that happend so we went to get a coffee. We talked for about 3 hours and found out that he did a lot of the same things to the both of us.

He has a history of really controlling and self-serving behaviour and he just doesn't take a no for an answer.

Since we all share a hobby (Him, His ex, The new girl and me) his ex and me both knew the new girl personally and we were really worried about her.

Well two weeks ago he apologized to me and of course I went back to him again because I really thought it'd be different this time.

We had a great time and I was so happy that we were getting along again. But then out of the blue this wednesday he told me he doesn't want any contact with me anymore because he's scared that his new girl will find out about us and won't like him anymore because of it.

I was really hurt but kinda used to behaviour like this by now. Anyways this weekend all of us went on a trip (organized by mutual friends and a lot of people were on this trip that all of us know since we share this hobby together). I really didn't wanna go because I didn't want to see him with his new girl the whole weekend but his ex convinced me to come anyways and so I ended up going anyways.

It was weird at first but because his new girl and I got along before all of this happened we started taling and catching up really quickly and she ended up telling me that she's not into him and that she's told him that several times before. She was really unconfortable around him and asked me to sit with me instead of him and so I said yes.

We ended up spending the evening drinking and having fun together with his ex and the more he saw the three of us together the angrier he got.

At one point of the night we went outside and started talking about everything that happend and figured out he'd been lying to the both of us for the past six months and his ex also told the new girl her story with him.

It all lead to her talking to him again and telling him that she really just wanted to be friends.

He freaked out and got so mad at me and only me. He told me I had no right to talk to her and he left the trip early because even his best friends(M21 & M24)were on my side and he felt like I had done all this just to purposefully hurt him after he's hurt me so many times.

I was angry at him at first but I can't help and feel bad about everything that happend now. I feel like it wasn't mya place to talk to her. I knew that he was gonna be mad and I had promised him to not tell her about us but it just felt so wrong.

His last words to me before he left were some really mean swear words I'm not going to type out.

I don't know if I should apologize or what to do at all. I still love him but I know he'll never love me. I just don't think I can handle him hating me...

What should I do?

(Btw sorry for my english it's not my first language)
« Last Edit: February 24, 2020, 09:08:21 AM by wellYeahIDontKnow »

February 25, 2020, 10:21:33 PM
Reply #1


This is awful and you really just need to cut him out of your life. This is an abusive relationship, so it's probably going to be really hard to get out of, but do it now before you're completely under his control. Tell everyone you know that you're done with him so you can't deny it later if you want to be with him again. Also, don't feel bad for getting back with him multiple times. He is manipulating you and it's hard for your brain to fully grasp. Just know that this is not a normal healthy relationship. If you and the other girl can agree to simultaneously get rid of him that would help as well since you could keep each other in check. Block him on all social media and any other means of him contacting you. Out of sight, out of mind. Do not feel bad for "leaving him alone" either. This is his fault, and not yours. It's going to be hard at first, but stay strong, you can do this! Don't be afraid to try dating again. Not all people are like this, but still, be on the lookout for any red flags in your future relationships because the longer you are in an abusive relationship, the harder it is to get out. Best of luck! <3


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