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Author Topic: Am I Settling?

April 03, 2019, 10:20:03 PM
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JulyGirl72


First a little background on me to shed a little light to my choices.. married at 21, 4 kids, husband left me for another woman after 13 years of marriage. Rushed in to marriage #2 only to find out hes a psychopath. 4 years and 2 kids later he left and I was relieved! About a year later I got involved with a man who I thought was perfect for me. Turns out hes a classic narcissist who knows how to play the game. Cheated and lied for 2 years until he finally got me pregnant, guilted me into marrying him. Found him cheating before our 1st anniversary. We were separated before we made it to our second...
Needless to say, I've got a bad track record...or as my mom says I have a bad "picker"..
Fast forward to my current relationship. I've been with this man for 4 years off and on. We have broken up, just seen each other causally and gotten back together. He has a lot of wonderful qualities but there are certain key areas we dont match up. I'm a very affectionate person, I love to hold hands and cuddle. And he does not. I'm a very social person, he is not. We share the same values and morals though and that's important.  About 9 months into our relationship I broke up with him to date another guy. During that time he hooked up with his ex and she ended up getting pregnant. We got back together right before he got the news from her. He gave me an out, saying he understood if I couldn't handle it. But he loved me and wanted me, not her. So I dealt with it. We dated for about a year after that until we got into a fight about his baby momma and he broke up with me. A few months later we started seeing each other again. His baby turned one and the baby momma seemed to accept the fact that he was with me...or so I thought. Found out 4 months later that she was pregnant again. With his baby again... he broke up with me. Full of regret and remorse he entered a recovery program and vowed to get his life straight. 6 months later he asked me to give him another chance. That was last July. Baby was born in September and supposedly hes never slept with her again... he says he loves me. He talks about a future for us. He talks about marriage and buying a house and all that... I just dont know if I can handle the baby momma for the next 18 years and I'm not sure I want to start all over with a 2yo and 6mo old.. he showers them with affection (hes a great dad) but he still shows me very little affection.  I think I might just be staying because I'm afraid to be alone. Maybe I think a mediocre relationship is better than none.  But then I wonder what I could have if I was brave enough to let him go... I do love him. But am I settling??