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Author Topic: Am i overthinking her logic? LONG READ!

March 01, 2019, 08:32:29 AM
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So ive been with my partner for several months. We hit it off pretty quickly and began having sex as we got to know eachother.

I noticed my partner is very tense during sex. She struggles to relax and "let go" as she calls it unless shes intoxicated. There is trauma from her childhood which means she also has anxiety and other issues. Shes not very vocal when we have sex unless shes drunk as shes embarrassed by the noises she makes.

She told me very early on that she can not reach orgasm through sex or through masturbation. She said it simply doesnt make sense to her and she needs a mans touch ie tongue to get her off. So with all this in mind one day I decided to see if there were ways she could be more relaxed.

She had never told me things she didnt or didnt like during sex and we were having lots of it so I decided to ask and see if there was a way for her to relax more and enjoy the experience without being drunk.

So I ask her "What things do you like and not like during sex?" .. looking back now she I realised she might have felt a bit embarrassed. But I didnt ask in a way like I was trying to fix her somehow,it was asked in a genuine way because I knew how tense she was during sex and even when she sleeps.

She replies and says "Well one thing I dont like was my ex, his penis went past his belly button and it was really fat and went really deep.I didnt like that. It felt like someone poking me with a broom, you know?" She was very animated as she told me this and sort of pretended to poke a broom in the air.

She also ended what she said by saying " im not sure why women like big penises, I prefer normal ones"

She didnt add anything else. There was no likes or dont likes. Thats all she had to say on the topic. I was very confused and I still am tbh.

She was with her previous partner for 2 years and from what I saw which I seen by accident one day on her laptop as there were still pictures of them they had from holidays etc. They seemed like a good couple. But this isnt my point.

Am I wrong to think that shes told me this because she wants to inspire some sort insecurity in some way? Or was it just her stating something she doesnt like?

id also like to add id totally understand if id never had sex with her and she was telling me this because she basically saying (you might have a big one and if you do I dont like that) .

But we had been sexually active for a while. So this all seemed like irrelevant info to me.

In any case im very happy with my penis. But I would like to understand someones motives behind answering a question like that. Ive also learnt my lesson and been very very specific when asking about sex since.

March 01, 2019, 03:05:21 PM
Reply #1


I am a very open person about what I do and do not like when having sex with my partner, but I wasn't always like this. It wasn't until my current relationship that I met someone who was even slightly interested in what I get out of it. I didn't know what I wanted because I always just did what the guy wanted and actually found my comfort in simply getting them off. I didn't intimately connect with my partner because previous relationships led me to feel satisfied with getting nothing from the bed. I'm not suggesting that this is her exact reasoning but merely suggesting that maybe it has nothing to do with her restraining her desires from you; rather, she might have a different view embedded in her about what sex is for. I can tell that it is important to you that she also gets something out of the sex, but maybe it's going to be a gradual process that takes time. Time is important. As I said, I never even knew what I liked because it was never about me. I can't pinpoint a specific moment that I just let go and was able to REALLY enjoy the sex, but I know that it took some experimenting and being open-minded. Maybe try changing the scene when having sex. We always have some emotional and heartfelt music playing, and the moments leading up to the sex are just as important and should be very intimate. Have you tried doing the one thing she did tell you that she liked? As a side note, she really just doesn't seem to be that worried about having an orgasm. It would be a rare case that someone couldn't get themselves off when masturbating because people can easily figure out what feels good to them when they're all alone and experimenting. She more than likely just isn't all that worried about it. I'm not sure exactly what that means for the relationship because some compromise, sacrifice, and experimenting is going to have to be made.
It’ll be okay:)


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