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Author Topic: Am I Needy and Insecure?

May 12, 2019, 11:17:00 AM
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Ar1el


Been with my boyfriend for a year this month. We usually see each other once or twice a week, even though we live 5 minutes away. I personally hate this, I feel like he's not bothered about spending time with me. He starts work in the afternoon, finishes at midnight three days a week so when I say we see each other I mean he comes to my house after midnight and sleeps over. One day he starts work next morning, so he leaves early, and the other day he comes over after midnight and the next day he has off but he's in bed until around dinner time and sometimes he chooses to go home instead of stay with me when he gets up.
Every now and then we'll spend all three of those mornings together but that's a very rare thing. I used to text him to ask if he wanted to do anything, to which he would say he was busy and I'd later find out he was watching TV at home all morning, so I've stopped asking now.
I used to live 30 minutes away from him and we saw each other more then, so i dont understand why we see each other less now that we're closer.

I know it's obviously hard for him working so late, and we both have a child each from previous relationships (I have mine all the time, he has his every other weekend) so obviously that can limit things. But I feel like he would rather spend time on his own, than with me.

I have tried to talk to him about it but he thinks it's not a problem and blames his work..... but he's got three mornings and two full days off each week and both our children are in full time school. I'm not saying he should spend all that time with me but just not act like he'd rather be watching TV than be with me.

Am I being needy for wanting to spend time with him, rather than have him come over on a night, have sex, then leave in the morning?

I'm going to start volunteering soon, to help me get a better job, but I don't know if this will hurt the relationship because we might see each other less during the day or if it will help because he will have to make an effort to see me during the day's we're off.



Also.... a few days ago he showed me that he had a picture of a naked celebrity as his phones wallpaper, and I got really annoyed. He said I was overreacting but I think it's really disrespectful and immature (baring in mind he's in his 30's).
I know everyone has people they find attractive and celebrity crushes, I know he watches porn sometimes and I know he likes to see naked breasts on TV, and I have no problem with this (he's a bloke after all!). But the fact he has this picture on his phone, so it's the first thing he sees and so other people can see it too, really annoyed me.

Is this me being insecure? I would expect it from a hormonal teenager, but a 31 year old father?


May 12, 2019, 10:13:02 PM
Reply #1
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Spell357


First off, I'd like to let you know that you are definitely not needy and that the way he is acting is causing you to feel insecure.

Men like that take what they have for granted, when you moved closer you probably became less valuable in his mind. The things we were given for free we place little value on, so now that he knows he can just swing by after work late night to get his goods and leave in the morning he will. Try refusing sex, see how quickly he loses the rest of his interest then... >:(

The fact that he is 31 is also a bad sign because you can't change men/people who act this way that late in life. His first priority is clearly himself and not even in good way. It's not like he is saying, "Hold on hun, I'm about to finish my PhD and get this amazing new job that will bring new opportunities for the both of us." He is living the same life he has been living and is probably going nowhere. And still I hate to have such a hopeless look on this but my ex was the same way. He flunked all his classes in college, dropped out after that first year, and now works at a grocery store. I don't think he is ever really going to make anything of himself because when it comes to jobs he is lazy.

However, the difference between my ex and your bf is this: I was heartbroken when my ex cheated on me with a girl who lives halfway across the country. I tried to ruin the relationship and get him back because he became a completely different person after meeting her, even though they had never met in person. I thought it was much less than it was. They tried dating again a year later and are now a super happy couple. He sends her beautiful bouquets and other gifts through the mail regularly, he stays up late and talks with her on the phone until they fall asleep, and he has spent what little money he has to go visit her twice. As much as it pains me to say this, when she stepped onto the scene it stopped being my love story and became her's.

What I'm trying to say is that even though I have much greater plans for myself than my ex could have ever offered me, he still works with what he has got. He makes time for the girl he loves, he goes above and beyond for her and I'm sure that wouldn't change if they lived closer together. He's been at this for two years now. If your boyfriend really loved you he'd listen to you when you say you want to spend more time together. Even if he wasn't thoughtful enough to come up with the idea himself, he'd still say, "Hey! That's a great idea! I'd love to." when you bring up going out somewhere.

He just simply doesn't care to spend time with you and that's not your problem. There is nothing wrong with you, you just need to find a man who will do whatever it takes to spend his time with you, especially if the alternative is just watching TV. You feel needy and insecure because the relationship just isn't right for you or anyone who isn't willing to settle. You should feel like you are wanted and that you are spending a decent amount of time with him.

Not to mention the sexy wallpaper pic is a total turn off. So childish, I wouldn't tolerate it. It's one thing to consume porn on your own time, but to openly flaunt it like that?

May 22, 2019, 11:30:12 AM
Reply #2
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Good Dad


No you're really not at all, my gf well ex.. idk right now.. anyway she would be so upset if I had a picture of another girl as my screensaver and she considers pron to be cheating.. about the not spending time with you.. that's pretty messed up, you think he would want to be with his gf more than that.. maybe you need to teach him a lesson and find someone who will actually spend time with you, I know that's what my girl would do.

 

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